smokin' hot

It's taken me twenty years, but I finally understand what people mean by "smokin' hot" -- the words just seem to roll off my tongue... so naturally. Prison Break season 1 was sooo good; am excited for season 2 to come out on dvd next. And yes, I googled Wentworth -- oh my goodness, he comes from an academic family. Need I say more??

Hot, smokin' hot... seriously.

diazepam, you give them diazepam

Just got back from work this morning and had my lunch. While eating, Kirsty told me about the London 2012 Olympic Campaign commercial that got pulled from the air because apparently, the 'authorities' (according to my sister) were afraid it might cause epileptic seizures. So she went to YouTube and downloaded it for me to watch:


Fifteen seconds into the commercial:
Me: Hey, this is kinda cool, but I don't see what it has to do with the Olympics...

Ten seconds later:
Me: You can't help staring at it...

Fifteen seconds later:
Kirsty: PAUSE IT!!! ANNA!! PAUSE IT!!!
Me: [shocked and confused, rush to pause it] What??!!?? Kirsty what?
Kirsty: So... what do I do if you have a seizure??!!?? [smiles]


Almost gave me a heart-attack, she did. And yes, she was making fun of me and the fact that epilepsy came up on my mid-year exams -- it caused a bit of an uproar in my class cos nobody expected it. It wasn't that bad... the pharmacology was pretty killer though if you didn't study it, which most people didn't.

I'm glad this week of working so much is over. Never again will I volunteer to work so many extra shifts.

Had a really great day yesterday though, relatively speaking. We had about three hours free time so one of our friends made us lunch and we hung out at his flat, warming up and watching Korean movies. Even though I couldn't understand a lot of what they were saying, I got the gist of it most of the time -- at least, enough to follow what was happening. It's been soooo cold the past couple days, snowing and everything. I love it -- the snow, the cold, the roaring fire, it's all so... romantic. :)) Although, I'm not sure how some friends of mine who have gone tramping to Mt Cook are doing; hopefully it's not too horrible. I guess that coal will come in handy.

quarter life crisis

I've been thinking a lot lately about why I decided to go to medical school in the first place. I mean, back when I applied I definitely had my reasons -- I was one of those people who came into it with a purpose and a plan -- but I'm beginning to wonder how much of that still stands, and if so, is it worth it?

I thought all this... confusion, for lack of a better word, was because of general exam stress, but my exams have come and gone and not much has changed. Being physically (and emotionally?) tired doesn't help matters either -- common men experiencing extreme hardship get caught up in revolutions; immunocompromised patients are vulnerable to other illnesses; tired and stressed Anna starts to re-think what she's doing with her life.

Maybe it's all just because I've been working almost every night this week on top of classes or just in desperate need of a break, but I've seriously started to wonder, is it worth it? You can downplay it all you want -- "It's only three more years until you graduate" -- but in the end it's not about graduating, or becoming a registered doctor, or specialist/consultant, etc. The point is, medicine becomes your life, full stop. And by that I don't mean you're working 24/7 or you can't do anything outside of your job. That's not my point. It's that the way you think begins to change. With any other profession you bring who you are to the job, but with medicine so much of who you are changes or has to change or has to be placed aside while on the job. It's what will make you a good doctor, yes, but... I dunno...

I knew medicine was going to be challenging -- that in itself was part of what attracted me to it cos I love a good challenge, making it over that seemingly insurmountable hill. But what if, as you start to venture upwards you find the "uphill" you're on never ends? You could argue it's about the journey, the experiences on the way, but that doesn't make it any less tiring.

Tired... I must be tired. That just about sums up this semester, and, I'm beginning to realise, maybe the rest of my life. Let's hope not.

To mosh or not to mosh?

My friend Boomi and I went to the music store today to get tickets for the Evermore concert coming up at the end of the month:

Me: Hi, can we get tickets to Evermore?

Record store guy: Sure, I'll just get 'em.

Me: Can we get tickets for the seats upstairs?

R.S.G: Umm -- actually we only sell general admission tickets in the downstairs standing area. If you want seated tickets you need to go to the Regent Ticketek.

Boomi and I look at each other and discuss the situation in a microsecond telepathically (re- How I Met Your Mother).

Me: Yeah... we'll go to the Regent.


Sure we felt like a couple of old grannies, especially in front of the 'hip' record store guy, but standing around for two hours being squished and jostled around by random sweaty guys is not my idea of fun. Experiencing the incredible high of live music is enough for me, and better enjoyed in a comfortable position!

something fierce this way comes

Watching "Without A Trace" - an episode in season three when this middle-aged guy abducts a little boy who reminds him of his dead son:

Mum: You know, I understand where he's coming from.
Me: Who? The dad?
Mum: Yeah. If my kid died, if I were in his situation, I think I'd get pretty crazy too.
Me: Yeah -- I think everyone would. You'd be sad and go crazy, but you wouldn't abduct some random little boy.
Mum: [pauses] I don't know... I'd go pretty crazy...


Having breakfast:

Me: Mum, why do you always seem so tired and stressed? You're constantly thinking and worrying.
Mum: That's cos I'm always thinking about you and your sister's future.
Me: But Kirsty's 23, working full-time. I'm almost 20 and in med school. When are you gonna stop worrying?
Mum: When I'm dead.


My mum -- the fiercest 4foot9 woman I've ever met and will ever meet in my entire life. How can such a tiny woman be so... scary?? (In a good way!)

tired hearts

I feel alive again -- somewhat. I was pretty much out of it all day yesterday, like my head was disconnected from the rest of my body. I tried sleeping, but couldn't find a comfortable position; watching TV, which made my headache a thousand times worse; reading, which definitely was NOT a good idea... so I was just dozing in and out, trying to sleep but failing miserably. I had a really bad fever too; I don't usually get fevers but yesterday I was burning up! Luckily, thanks to some good cold meds (with sedative properties) I got a good eleven hours of sleep last night and I feel alive again. Not fully myself, but at least my fever's gone.

I have to admit, sometimes I actually like getting sick. It gives me an excuse to do nothing, sans the guilt. And me getting sick this weekend was actually pretty good timing because, with all the 'drama' that's been going on with my parents about the possibility of me moving out, it reminded me that there are definitely upsides to living at home... especially when you're feeling half dead.

Kirsty's been working this entire weekend, which sucks, but she did stop by the video store for me and I feel up to it today... maybe.


Yesterday when I was trying to fall asleep, there was a moment when I was very aware of my beating heart. And it dawned on me: your heart is always pumping. Okay, so it's not so much of an epiphany in itself, but I actually started to feel sorry for my heart. It never gets a break; it never gets to stop pumping, cos once it does you're dead. I wonder if it gets tired ever...

bike jousting?

It's been a loooog day, to say the least. Woke up early to get some last-minute studying done before my exam at eleven (yes, I've resorted to doing the very thing I always promised myself never to do). On my way to the exam room I stopped by the bookstore because I realized this past week the only thing that will keep me sane this year is 'pleasure reading.' So I splurged and got Thomas More's Utopia. It's been one of those books I've always wanted to read, so that's my big plan for the three-day weekend -- I'm excited. I WAS gonna go get West Wing Season 6 and watch 16-hours of pure unadulterated TV as per tradition after an exam (to purge my mind of all things school-related), but...

I'm sick. Ugh. After my exam Kirsty and I went out to lunch to a restaurant by the beach. I had two hours until I had to be back on campus for a lecture, but -- well, to cut a long story short, we got to the restaurant at 1.30pm and our pizza didn't come out till 2.40pm and by that time I had to head back (they felt so bad they didn't charge us, which is an upside, I guess). So no lunch... and then work... and while I was at work tonight, I could feel that pre-cold/flu, not fully sore but strangely... engorged? Is that the right word? Engorged throat feeling you get before you just know you're gonna be sick. And then by the end of the night, my nose was full-on running and my throat was just plain sore.

Hence, probably won't be doing the West Wing thing this weekend (bummer) but Utopia will keep me entertained, I hope.

The exam itself? It was alright, I guess. But I never dwell on exams after they're done. I'm just glad it's over and I can finally stop studying or thinking about how I should be studying. I can just... sleep. Nice. Here's to a weekend of staying in my pyjamas (with the exception of going to the gym, if I'm not too sick). Not as exciting as "bike jousting" as is the plan for a classmate of mine (guys do the weirdest things) but it's exactly what I've been missing these past three months.

p/s - I wish Joe Fox would bring me daisies when I'm sick!