quarter life crisis

I've been thinking a lot lately about why I decided to go to medical school in the first place. I mean, back when I applied I definitely had my reasons -- I was one of those people who came into it with a purpose and a plan -- but I'm beginning to wonder how much of that still stands, and if so, is it worth it?

I thought all this... confusion, for lack of a better word, was because of general exam stress, but my exams have come and gone and not much has changed. Being physically (and emotionally?) tired doesn't help matters either -- common men experiencing extreme hardship get caught up in revolutions; immunocompromised patients are vulnerable to other illnesses; tired and stressed Anna starts to re-think what she's doing with her life.

Maybe it's all just because I've been working almost every night this week on top of classes or just in desperate need of a break, but I've seriously started to wonder, is it worth it? You can downplay it all you want -- "It's only three more years until you graduate" -- but in the end it's not about graduating, or becoming a registered doctor, or specialist/consultant, etc. The point is, medicine becomes your life, full stop. And by that I don't mean you're working 24/7 or you can't do anything outside of your job. That's not my point. It's that the way you think begins to change. With any other profession you bring who you are to the job, but with medicine so much of who you are changes or has to change or has to be placed aside while on the job. It's what will make you a good doctor, yes, but... I dunno...

I knew medicine was going to be challenging -- that in itself was part of what attracted me to it cos I love a good challenge, making it over that seemingly insurmountable hill. But what if, as you start to venture upwards you find the "uphill" you're on never ends? You could argue it's about the journey, the experiences on the way, but that doesn't make it any less tiring.

Tired... I must be tired. That just about sums up this semester, and, I'm beginning to realise, maybe the rest of my life. Let's hope not.