It's been a busy but "quiet" week, the days flying by with ward work, then coming home to an empty flat (my flatmate's been overseas for over a week for a family wedding).
I found out that the examiner for my oral exam is an Oncologist. A bit of a mixed blessing because my oncology knowledge is pretty limited and it can involve basically any system of the body. The potential upside is that a lot of management in oncology is to do with palliative care and psychosocial issues which is... do-able. The other thing I found out upon asking around about my examiner is that he is basically a boy-turned-man-genius -- a young consultant (which in itself says a lot) who apparently won the prize for coming first in the country in his clinical specialist physician exams (context: these are the hardest exams training doctors will EVER sit). A bit intimidating, but surely someone who knows so much (not just bravado, but as a fact) couldn't expect others to be on par with their knowledge... riiiiiiiiiight?? LoL So, like I said, mixed blessing. A specialty area I know little about and an examiner I know little about. Going into it blind -- why not.
My exam is set for this upcoming Friday which is the last day of my Medicine rotation.
... And on that same day, a patient who I have gotten to know during these past five weeks -- a patient who is very very sick, but who has been a joy and blessing in my life and... forever claimed a piece of my heart -- is going into surgery. It is one of those TV-show-esque high risk surgeries, for something which my professor has only seen once before in his career (and never will again). This patient -- a woman in her eighties who is the strength and matriarch of her extended family -- has been in hospital being treated with medication, which hasn't really been that effective. She was deemed to be inoperable by the surgeons a few weeks ago. And in a way, as sad as this sounds, has basically been waiting to pass away. Yet, she hasn't. But neither has she been getting better. Everyone has just been waiting, metaphorically holding our breath, in limbo, waiting for something to give.
This week she was reviewed by the surgeons and for various reasons has been offered this crazy high-risk surgery now. After a few days of thinking and discussing with her family, she has accepted. And of all days, the surgery is scheduled for the last day of my run.
It breaks my heart even now thinking about it. Every time I find my thoughts wandering over to that day I consciously try to redirect my thoughts. Denial? Maybe.
She is such a Betty... and she so reminds me of my beloved aunty in Argentina who is also a true Betty and the matriarch of our extended family... which leads me to think about my mum... which leads me to think about this woman's daughter who has dropped everything and come from out of town to be at her mum's bedside these past five weeks...
And how that might be me one day.
I have gotten to know this amazing patient through an accumulation of passing conversations and end-of-day chats... and it breaks my heart. Because her chances of surviving the surgery is so slim. And she knows it. And her family knows it. And I know it. And it is such a heart-wrenching way of preparing to say good-bye.
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
ah, beating heart! that's what I loved about cardiology
Today I spent the afternoon in the Cath Lab with previously mentioned Superstar Cardiology Consultant. It was... clean and sterile... both calm and exciting at the same time... bloody, but full of finesse. How incredible it is to be able to feed a wire up an artery in the wrist and, literally in seconds, be at the blood vessels feeding the heart -- pumping away on the TV screen in front of you. A few minutes later you inject the dye to see where the narrowing is -- the culprit for the chest pain, the heart attack. And then, again just few minutes later, a tiny fragile cylindrical metal stent measuring 2.75mm by 18mm makes its way to that very narrowing guided by nothing more than a thin wire ("Like a train on train-tracks") then, poof! Open. Beautiful. Amazing. Incredible. Blood flows, just as first created, just as it should. And the heart continues to beat, right in front of your eyes.
Today I spent the afternoon in the Cath Lab, and I remembered why I loved cardiology as a fourth year student.
There is such beauty in the heart.
I am haunted by the brain, but mesmerized by the heart. As it continues to pump, day in and day out. I am captivated. I am convinced. I am converted. There is such beauty in the heart.
Today was a good day. :)
Today I spent the afternoon in the Cath Lab, and I remembered why I loved cardiology as a fourth year student.
There is such beauty in the heart.
I am haunted by the brain, but mesmerized by the heart. As it continues to pump, day in and day out. I am captivated. I am convinced. I am converted. There is such beauty in the heart.
Today was a good day. :)
Monday, June 21, 2010
dream
Recent discovery from a friend of mine -- I can't stop listening to it. Incredibly... lovely. Like the modern singer-songwriter version of... Chopin. LoL. Okay, maybe not. But it's wonderful.
Sunday, June 20, 2010
next time around
Friday was one of those days where every possible miscommunication that could have occured occured. It was one of those days that felt like nothing, absolutely nothing, went right. If a hospital ward is a big churning cog-wheeling machine, then Friday was a day of one cog-wheel breaking down after another.
And the invaluable lesson of the day was, a house surgeon (i.e. junior doctor) is the one smack dab in the middle of this cogwheeling machine. They are the ones juggling a thousand different peoples' agendas -- the consultant barking out (often very equivocal) orders, the registrar doing the actual "thinking" medicine; the nurses on the ground doing all those things that keep patients safe and (hopefully) happy; the physios/Occupational Therapists/Speech Language Therapists; the pharmacists; the lab; the vascular lab you just sent a referral to; the other hospital you're trying to organise a patient transfer to; and the list goes on... and on... and on... and on... and... ON. And then, of course, there are your actual, you know, patients. The sick people you're supposedly trying to help. And you do help them. All those little things, your lists and lists of seemingly inconsequential tasks are, in the end, what gets the tests done, the medications given, the paperwork completed so they can go home after they've been "healed." But man, when you're in the thick of it, trying to juggle a thousand different peoples' agendas -- people of different temperaments, with different expectations -- sometimes it's hard to see that "healing" light.
And Friday was one of those days... where I struggled to remember what the heck I was doing and why I was doing it. If I hadn't started my day off with some quiet time with God I know without a doubt I would've finished the day off despondent and, most likely, in tears. LoL. Oh man. It was pretty unreal. But what made it worse was my response. Despite starting my day off centered on Christ, I finished with an attitude not very Christ-like at all. And I disappointed myself...
Since I've started my Ward Management run -- getting a taste of what House Surgeon year will be like -- I've been really challenged in the attitudes of my heart in that kind of setting. When the pressure cookers really going and you're dealing with "personalities" more often then not, on top of sometimes crazy ridiculous demands as well as pure physical exhaustion, I've been challenged, even in that kind of setting, to have the heart of a servant, as Christ did.
"Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity." - Colossians 3:12-14
Clothe yourself... Love, which binds them all together in perfect unity...
"Slaves, obey your earthly masters in everything; and do it, not only when their eye is on you and to win their favor, but with sincerity of heart and reverence for the Lord. Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving." - Colossians 3:22-24
Sometimes, as a House Surgeon, if can feel a bit like slaving away... and, if I'm being really honest, it can somtimes feel really thankless... but whatever I do, I should work at it with all my heart... as working for the Lord... with sincerity of heart... Wow... what a challenge.
"If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others... Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe as you hold out the word of life—in order that I may boast on the day of Christ that I did not run or labor for nothing." - Philippians 2: 1-4, 14-16
Do everything without complaining or arguing -- "grumbling" is used in other translations. And on that account, I completely failed.
Lord, thank you for your Grace and, with that, the opportunity to try to do better next time around. Thank you for a beautiful Saturday, the beautiful brunch at the beach with my beautiful friend. A reminder of your goodness. Give me the strength to do better, next time around. Ever thine. Ever mine. Ever ours. Amen.
And the invaluable lesson of the day was, a house surgeon (i.e. junior doctor) is the one smack dab in the middle of this cogwheeling machine. They are the ones juggling a thousand different peoples' agendas -- the consultant barking out (often very equivocal) orders, the registrar doing the actual "thinking" medicine; the nurses on the ground doing all those things that keep patients safe and (hopefully) happy; the physios/Occupational Therapists/Speech Language Therapists; the pharmacists; the lab; the vascular lab you just sent a referral to; the other hospital you're trying to organise a patient transfer to; and the list goes on... and on... and on... and on... and... ON. And then, of course, there are your actual, you know, patients. The sick people you're supposedly trying to help. And you do help them. All those little things, your lists and lists of seemingly inconsequential tasks are, in the end, what gets the tests done, the medications given, the paperwork completed so they can go home after they've been "healed." But man, when you're in the thick of it, trying to juggle a thousand different peoples' agendas -- people of different temperaments, with different expectations -- sometimes it's hard to see that "healing" light.
And Friday was one of those days... where I struggled to remember what the heck I was doing and why I was doing it. If I hadn't started my day off with some quiet time with God I know without a doubt I would've finished the day off despondent and, most likely, in tears. LoL. Oh man. It was pretty unreal. But what made it worse was my response. Despite starting my day off centered on Christ, I finished with an attitude not very Christ-like at all. And I disappointed myself...
Since I've started my Ward Management run -- getting a taste of what House Surgeon year will be like -- I've been really challenged in the attitudes of my heart in that kind of setting. When the pressure cookers really going and you're dealing with "personalities" more often then not, on top of sometimes crazy ridiculous demands as well as pure physical exhaustion, I've been challenged, even in that kind of setting, to have the heart of a servant, as Christ did.
"Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity." - Colossians 3:12-14
Clothe yourself... Love, which binds them all together in perfect unity...
"Slaves, obey your earthly masters in everything; and do it, not only when their eye is on you and to win their favor, but with sincerity of heart and reverence for the Lord. Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving." - Colossians 3:22-24
Sometimes, as a House Surgeon, if can feel a bit like slaving away... and, if I'm being really honest, it can somtimes feel really thankless... but whatever I do, I should work at it with all my heart... as working for the Lord... with sincerity of heart... Wow... what a challenge.
"If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others... Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe as you hold out the word of life—in order that I may boast on the day of Christ that I did not run or labor for nothing." - Philippians 2: 1-4, 14-16
Do everything without complaining or arguing -- "grumbling" is used in other translations. And on that account, I completely failed.
Lord, thank you for your Grace and, with that, the opportunity to try to do better next time around. Thank you for a beautiful Saturday, the beautiful brunch at the beach with my beautiful friend. A reminder of your goodness. Give me the strength to do better, next time around. Ever thine. Ever mine. Ever ours. Amen.
Saturday, June 12, 2010
R & R
Another busy week has come and (almost) gone. I was on-call Thursday night; E.D. was super busy, with plenty of medical referrals (a real neuro evening -- seizure; fall/EtOH cerebellar ataxia; and ?stroke -- all great practice!) so I didn't get home until 11pm. Then I was up at 5.15am the next morning to meet the Cardiology Professor by 6am. Explanation: I found out a couple days ago that he had his once-a-month rural clinic on Friday so I asked if I could come along with him. Some consultants fly, but Prof apparently enjoys driving (flash-as BMW). So 6am it was! It was a jam-packed day: two hours of non-stop conversation during our drive there, over twenty patients (amazing clinical signs! I *heart* murmurs; and even felt x2 thrills!), followed by another two hours of conversation coming home. He's a really interesting guy and did his Fellowship at Mass General in Boston, so we had more than enough to chat about. In the span of four hours I think we covered his upbringing, my upbringing, his family, my family, his training, my training; the future; choosing a speciality; health economics; working overseas verses New Zealand; the art of medicine and doctor-patient interaction; and some general life advice.
One of the aspects of my medical training which I have found the most valuable these past three years is watching different consultants do their thing and, in particular, how they interact with their patients. What I took away from sitting in with this Professor for the day -- and what I wholeheartedly hope to emulate -- is how because of the way Prof approached his practice, every single patient (and their family) left the room smiling more than they had been when they walked in. I reflected on this observation on our drive back and asked Prof what his "take" on being a good doctor was. The conversation that followed only further solidified my respect for his philosophy on clinical practice. It was, for sure, a really long day, but so, so worth it.
Today: no phone, no alarm, sleeping in until I wanted to get out of bed (whoa!). And despite being chilly it was a sun-shining day, so I ended up going on the most beautiful, perfect hour run -- yay! Followed by laundry, vacuuming, cleaning the bathroom and kitchen -- so satisfying. I'm on-call again tomorrow, which is technically like studying/working, so I decided today would be a guilt-free Me day. Running, cooking, cleaning. No phone. No rushing. No plans. And it has been a beautifully relaxing day. :)
"Think about what you truly enjoy doing (...But don't stew about it). And then, do it."
One of the aspects of my medical training which I have found the most valuable these past three years is watching different consultants do their thing and, in particular, how they interact with their patients. What I took away from sitting in with this Professor for the day -- and what I wholeheartedly hope to emulate -- is how because of the way Prof approached his practice, every single patient (and their family) left the room smiling more than they had been when they walked in. I reflected on this observation on our drive back and asked Prof what his "take" on being a good doctor was. The conversation that followed only further solidified my respect for his philosophy on clinical practice. It was, for sure, a really long day, but so, so worth it.
Today: no phone, no alarm, sleeping in until I wanted to get out of bed (whoa!). And despite being chilly it was a sun-shining day, so I ended up going on the most beautiful, perfect hour run -- yay! Followed by laundry, vacuuming, cleaning the bathroom and kitchen -- so satisfying. I'm on-call again tomorrow, which is technically like studying/working, so I decided today would be a guilt-free Me day. Running, cooking, cleaning. No phone. No rushing. No plans. And it has been a beautifully relaxing day. :)
Monday, June 7, 2010
Another weekend for the history books!
I have no idea why I'm awake at 6.45am on my day off, but I am, two hours before my alarm. So unexpectedly have two extra "units of time" (Re: About A Boy, lol) unaccounted for. Read? (Currently at the bedside: The Elegance of the Hedgehog, which the Australian Medical Students Association President left at my place when he was crashing here.) Watch a dvd? (Too early.) Study? (Much too painfully early for the s-word!) Update my oh-so neglected online thought-bank? For sure. A hot Hazelnut Latte by my side, Jamie Cullum's new album playing in the background... check, check.
The end of May really was a blur of ACTION, all-go, no moment's pause to think, reflect... breathe. The third week of May culminated in moving from my parent's place (who have now shifted to the City of Sails) into my new flat on the Monday night; finishing up our six-week group Public Health project (of which I was team leader); rushing back and forth between my last E.D. shift and our project presentation to our clients on the Wednesday; preparing to host our national Student Association Exec meeting here.
Thursday
- 6.30am: woke up --> beautiful drive to the airport to pick up first lot of Exec members and the Conference organizing committee flying in.
- 7.30am: arrived at airport to find fog literally *just* over the runaway (unbelievable). Cue: panic. The plane circled above the airport for twenty minutes, with two failed attempts at landing; then an annoucement was made that they were running low on fuel and heading back up to Christchurch. *Horror* *Panic* Conference team needed to get to Queenstown to set up for our national Conference starting... tomorrow! At the last minute though the pilot attempted to land one more time... successfully! Thank goodness. Near Crisis #1, on the biggest weekend of our Exec's calendar. So now we were running super behind, but at least, we were running.
- 9 - 10am: Driving all around town, picking up various things and setting up for Exec meeting at St Margs College.
- 10.30am: Rest of Exec arrive, however delayed. And almost ready to start our meeting.
- 10.45 ~ 6pm: Face-to-face meeting. Non-stop. Full-on. Brain exhausted. Then half of our Exec left for Queenstown, while the other half stayed here the night. Three of them were also crashing at my flat. So the challenge of packing four adult bodies, and four suitcases/packs into my tiny three-door corolla hatchback.
- 7 - 10pm: Exec dinner at Etruscos. [My brain officially checked out as of four hours ago. lol]
- ~11.30pm: Bed. Crash.
Friday:
[Five hours sleep]
- 5.15am: wake up, pack for Conference which I had yet to do!! Wake up the others.
- 6.15am: all of us leave my place to pick up rental vans for Conference.
- 7am: meet Dunedin Conference delegates outside med school. There were two Exec members per van, one to drive, one to sit shot-gun and help. I was the latter.
- 7.45am: vans leave Dunedin --> my (awesome) van took a wee detour to the beach where I bought everyone a coffee! (Good start at getting to know one another, and breaking the ice -- TI grant put to good use.)
- 8.15 ~11.45am: loooong drive to Queenstown. But we had fun in our van. One of the girls baked these incredible chocolate cupcakes too. Mmmhmm...
- 12pm: catch up with everyone at the backpackers in Queenstown, register for Conference. It's freezing!
- 12.30pm: grab some lunch with a couple of the other Exec members.
- 1.30pm: Official opening of Conference by the mayor of Queenstown, with our 160 medical students from all over the country.
- 1.3o - 4.30pm: AMAZING RACE! It was AMAZING! We got random teams of 7 - 8, and it was a real race around Queenstown, just like the T.V. show. The Conference organizing team got the help of the tourism school in Queenstown (for free, I think?), and the race included a shot-over jet, rafting across the lake (who knew I would ever raft??), running all over town, awesome (not lame) team-building exercises, a Gondola ride, and even a bungy jump for one person in your group. AND my team came third! Out of like... twenty. There was A LOT of screaming on my part, trying to hype up my group, get them excited, encourage them. There was such an incredible buzz throughout the whole thing, and even teams who came last had just as much fun (if not more!). You really got to bond with these complete strangers in your group. It was... just incredible. I think the general consensus was that we could have all gone home now satisfied! But the screaming combined with the freezing air meant my voice was on the rocks Day 1 of Conference, lol.
- 4.30 - 7pm: recover from the physical exhaustion, shower, dinner, get ready for cocktail function.
- 7pm: marshal delegates to the cocktail function
- 7.30 - 10.30pm: cocktail function at a fancy bar in town. Lots of talking, in a very noisy environment = more strain on my already dodgy voice.
- ~11.30pm: Bed. Crash.
Saturday:
[Six hours sleep]
- 6am: wake up, shower, get ready
- 6.45am: set up breakfast for delegates
- 8am: coffee run for Exec
- 8.30am - lunch: incredible, inspiring speakers, to the point of getting teary-eyed more than on one occasion just due to pure inspiration and encouragement. "Points of failure." "Re-inventing yourself."
- Afternoon: going on a mission with one of the other Exec members, Vaish, to get bouquets for each of the Conference team. Turns out finding a florist that was open in Queenstown is not an easy feat. We ended up spending the entire afternoon walking around in the freezing cold, to end up finding a place a drive away. But eventual success. Our formal Conference dinner was up at the Skyline (a Gondola's ride up the mountain), so the two of us got an extra free ride up when approached them about hiding the flowers before dinner. It was so beautiful up there, with 360degree views of Queenstown. Vaish and I stood there for a while watching them set up for our dinner, taking in the views and the surreal atmosphere, just breathing it all in.
- And dinner was... incredible. One of the highlights of medical school. The only word that comes to mind is, EPIC. The three-course meal, the conversation, the views... the sexy, beautiful future doctors of NZ, lol. Our keynote was Simon O'Connor, co-author of Talley and O'Connor's Clinical Examination (one of the cornerstone textbooks for medical students!), and he was incredibly funny. He had this dry humour, he had all of us doubling over laughing -- a real stand-up comedian if you'd believe it! And then the dancefloor, the band, and by the end of the night, EVERYONE was dancing. One of the other Exec members and I had a wee fun competition to see how many speakers we could get up to dance, and I whupped his arse 5-2 -- I even got Simon O'Connor dancing! Every time I went over to him, he had a group of doe-eyed students around him; finally, I just politely interrupted, and asked him if he would like to dance! And he said yes! Oh man, it was pretty funny. Everyone was dancing, and having a blast. How often does that happen? Where no one feels excluded or intimidated or out-of-place. It was such a special night. We left the Skyline around midnight when the band wrapped up, and that was just the beginning... lol.
Sunday
[Two hours sleep]
- 6am: wake up, shower, get ready
- 6.45am: set up breakfast for delegates
- 7.20am: I had the esteemed job (two years in a row now!) of knocking on all the doors and waking up very, very hung-over medical students. Overcompensating with chirpy-ness and enthusiasm, with a hint of seriousness ("Good morning! It's 7.20am, and you now have forty minutes to get up, eat, look beautiful..." "I don't care if you're half asleep or hung-over, come 8.30 we want bums on seats for the first speaker!" "I rule with an iron hand!" "And to be a real b***h, I'm going to turn the light on... now.").
- 8.30 - 9.30am: clean up breakfast; room check to make sure there weren't any stragglers still sleeping. (I know, mean, but that was part of the deal of them accepting a place at Conference!)
- 10am: finalise everything with the backpackers staff
- 10.30am: head over to Conference venue, catch the last of sessions
- lunch, wrap up, then get my head around all the transport back. I was in a car with one of the other Exec members, and we got home four hours later at 6.30pm.
- 6.30pm: liaise with some of the other Exec members, get a couple of them to the airport
- 8pm: link up with the last three vans arriving, driven by the Auckland Exec boys who were staying at my place for the night
- 8.30pm: dinner with the three Auckland boys in town
- 9.30pm: Baldwin Street, as per request, lol
- 10pm: my place
- 11.30pm: Bed. Crash. Voice, gone. Throat, flaming. Nose, running.
Monday
[Five hours sleep]
- 5.30am: wake up, dress. Voice, definitely gone. Throat, burning. Nose, stuffed.
- 6am: drive one of the Auckland boys to the airport for his 7am flight back home
- 6.30am: drive back home
- 7am: Bed. Crash.
- 10am: wake up, feed the other two Auckland boys
- It was awesome hanging out with them for the day, despite being very unwell and most likely infectious. Impromptu coffee with the head of the UN bioethics committee; chat with the esteemed Paediatric surgeon and Professor of Anatomy; coffee at the beach. The perfect end to the most epic of weekends.
- 6pm: Airport.
- 9pm: Bed. Crash. Sick.
Since then, I've started my Ward Management run at the hospital: six weeks of Cardiology, followed by six weeks of General Surgery. And it's an intense run. I can't believe how intense it is. Physically. Mentally. Occasionally, emotionally, lol. 8am starts, 5pm, 6pm finishes. On Friday I was there from 7.3oam until 6.30pm. And the days themselves are so full-on, on your feet all day long. A preview of what life will be like when I start working in November. But I'm seeing it as a learning experience, trying to get the most out of it, kind of like a trial-run for the real thing in less than half a year's time. My priorities have definitely shifted though, I don't really have a choice. You're at the hospital ALL day, come home exhausted, make dinner/eat... then you have a couple hours to either recover, study, or some sort of physical exercise (in order of importance for me). I've been trying to keep up with Bikram Yoga (yoga in 38degrees Celsius heat!) which I started going to after my half marathon (knowing I wouldn't feasibly be able to keep up running during winter here - I go to work in the dark, come home in the dark), but it has definitely been relegated in my list of priorities, and rightly so.
What I can't get over is that, less than ten weeks time I will be DONE with med school. Yes, technically there is my elective overseas for three months, but in my mind that's three months of travelling before I start work. In less than ten weeks, I will be done with med school... done with life, here, after eight years. In less than ten weeks, it will be the official end of an era.
Wow. I mean, in theory I always knew this day would come. But, the question is, did I really believe it? And could I have ever predicted what it would have been like.
As you get older, birthdays become less of a milestone. But it is in these moments, these transitions, where the significance of "chapters" of life feel oh-so real. And the idea of having a finite length of time left of my life here... is making all of the above feel oh-so real.
Is this what they mean by growing up? Is this what they mean by becoming an adult? Is this what they mean by one door closing?
The end of May really was a blur of ACTION, all-go, no moment's pause to think, reflect... breathe. The third week of May culminated in moving from my parent's place (who have now shifted to the City of Sails) into my new flat on the Monday night; finishing up our six-week group Public Health project (of which I was team leader); rushing back and forth between my last E.D. shift and our project presentation to our clients on the Wednesday; preparing to host our national Student Association Exec meeting here.
Thursday
- 6.30am: woke up --> beautiful drive to the airport to pick up first lot of Exec members and the Conference organizing committee flying in.
- 7.30am: arrived at airport to find fog literally *just* over the runaway (unbelievable). Cue: panic. The plane circled above the airport for twenty minutes, with two failed attempts at landing; then an annoucement was made that they were running low on fuel and heading back up to Christchurch. *Horror* *Panic* Conference team needed to get to Queenstown to set up for our national Conference starting... tomorrow! At the last minute though the pilot attempted to land one more time... successfully! Thank goodness. Near Crisis #1, on the biggest weekend of our Exec's calendar. So now we were running super behind, but at least, we were running.
- 9 - 10am: Driving all around town, picking up various things and setting up for Exec meeting at St Margs College.
- 10.30am: Rest of Exec arrive, however delayed. And almost ready to start our meeting.
- 10.45 ~ 6pm: Face-to-face meeting. Non-stop. Full-on. Brain exhausted. Then half of our Exec left for Queenstown, while the other half stayed here the night. Three of them were also crashing at my flat. So the challenge of packing four adult bodies, and four suitcases/packs into my tiny three-door corolla hatchback.
- 7 - 10pm: Exec dinner at Etruscos. [My brain officially checked out as of four hours ago. lol]
- ~11.30pm: Bed. Crash.
Friday:
[Five hours sleep]
- 5.15am: wake up, pack for Conference which I had yet to do!! Wake up the others.
- 6.15am: all of us leave my place to pick up rental vans for Conference.
- 7am: meet Dunedin Conference delegates outside med school. There were two Exec members per van, one to drive, one to sit shot-gun and help. I was the latter.
- 7.45am: vans leave Dunedin --> my (awesome) van took a wee detour to the beach where I bought everyone a coffee! (Good start at getting to know one another, and breaking the ice -- TI grant put to good use.)
- 8.15 ~11.45am: loooong drive to Queenstown. But we had fun in our van. One of the girls baked these incredible chocolate cupcakes too. Mmmhmm...
- 12pm: catch up with everyone at the backpackers in Queenstown, register for Conference. It's freezing!
- 12.30pm: grab some lunch with a couple of the other Exec members.
- 1.30pm: Official opening of Conference by the mayor of Queenstown, with our 160 medical students from all over the country.
- 1.3o - 4.30pm: AMAZING RACE! It was AMAZING! We got random teams of 7 - 8, and it was a real race around Queenstown, just like the T.V. show. The Conference organizing team got the help of the tourism school in Queenstown (for free, I think?), and the race included a shot-over jet, rafting across the lake (who knew I would ever raft??), running all over town, awesome (not lame) team-building exercises, a Gondola ride, and even a bungy jump for one person in your group. AND my team came third! Out of like... twenty. There was A LOT of screaming on my part, trying to hype up my group, get them excited, encourage them. There was such an incredible buzz throughout the whole thing, and even teams who came last had just as much fun (if not more!). You really got to bond with these complete strangers in your group. It was... just incredible. I think the general consensus was that we could have all gone home now satisfied! But the screaming combined with the freezing air meant my voice was on the rocks Day 1 of Conference, lol.
- 4.30 - 7pm: recover from the physical exhaustion, shower, dinner, get ready for cocktail function.
- 7pm: marshal delegates to the cocktail function
- 7.30 - 10.30pm: cocktail function at a fancy bar in town. Lots of talking, in a very noisy environment = more strain on my already dodgy voice.
- ~11.30pm: Bed. Crash.
Saturday:
[Six hours sleep]
- 6am: wake up, shower, get ready
- 6.45am: set up breakfast for delegates
- 8am: coffee run for Exec
- 8.30am - lunch: incredible, inspiring speakers, to the point of getting teary-eyed more than on one occasion just due to pure inspiration and encouragement. "Points of failure." "Re-inventing yourself."
- Afternoon: going on a mission with one of the other Exec members, Vaish, to get bouquets for each of the Conference team. Turns out finding a florist that was open in Queenstown is not an easy feat. We ended up spending the entire afternoon walking around in the freezing cold, to end up finding a place a drive away. But eventual success. Our formal Conference dinner was up at the Skyline (a Gondola's ride up the mountain), so the two of us got an extra free ride up when approached them about hiding the flowers before dinner. It was so beautiful up there, with 360degree views of Queenstown. Vaish and I stood there for a while watching them set up for our dinner, taking in the views and the surreal atmosphere, just breathing it all in.
- And dinner was... incredible. One of the highlights of medical school. The only word that comes to mind is, EPIC. The three-course meal, the conversation, the views... the sexy, beautiful future doctors of NZ, lol. Our keynote was Simon O'Connor, co-author of Talley and O'Connor's Clinical Examination (one of the cornerstone textbooks for medical students!), and he was incredibly funny. He had this dry humour, he had all of us doubling over laughing -- a real stand-up comedian if you'd believe it! And then the dancefloor, the band, and by the end of the night, EVERYONE was dancing. One of the other Exec members and I had a wee fun competition to see how many speakers we could get up to dance, and I whupped his arse 5-2 -- I even got Simon O'Connor dancing! Every time I went over to him, he had a group of doe-eyed students around him; finally, I just politely interrupted, and asked him if he would like to dance! And he said yes! Oh man, it was pretty funny. Everyone was dancing, and having a blast. How often does that happen? Where no one feels excluded or intimidated or out-of-place. It was such a special night. We left the Skyline around midnight when the band wrapped up, and that was just the beginning... lol.
Sunday
[Two hours sleep]
- 6am: wake up, shower, get ready
- 6.45am: set up breakfast for delegates
- 7.20am: I had the esteemed job (two years in a row now!) of knocking on all the doors and waking up very, very hung-over medical students. Overcompensating with chirpy-ness and enthusiasm, with a hint of seriousness ("Good morning! It's 7.20am, and you now have forty minutes to get up, eat, look beautiful..." "I don't care if you're half asleep or hung-over, come 8.30 we want bums on seats for the first speaker!" "I rule with an iron hand!" "And to be a real b***h, I'm going to turn the light on... now.").
- 8.30 - 9.30am: clean up breakfast; room check to make sure there weren't any stragglers still sleeping. (I know, mean, but that was part of the deal of them accepting a place at Conference!)
- 10am: finalise everything with the backpackers staff
- 10.30am: head over to Conference venue, catch the last of sessions
- lunch, wrap up, then get my head around all the transport back. I was in a car with one of the other Exec members, and we got home four hours later at 6.30pm.
- 6.30pm: liaise with some of the other Exec members, get a couple of them to the airport
- 8pm: link up with the last three vans arriving, driven by the Auckland Exec boys who were staying at my place for the night
- 8.30pm: dinner with the three Auckland boys in town
- 9.30pm: Baldwin Street, as per request, lol
- 10pm: my place
- 11.30pm: Bed. Crash. Voice, gone. Throat, flaming. Nose, running.
Monday
[Five hours sleep]
- 5.30am: wake up, dress. Voice, definitely gone. Throat, burning. Nose, stuffed.
- 6am: drive one of the Auckland boys to the airport for his 7am flight back home
- 6.30am: drive back home
- 7am: Bed. Crash.
- 10am: wake up, feed the other two Auckland boys
- It was awesome hanging out with them for the day, despite being very unwell and most likely infectious. Impromptu coffee with the head of the UN bioethics committee; chat with the esteemed Paediatric surgeon and Professor of Anatomy; coffee at the beach. The perfect end to the most epic of weekends.
- 6pm: Airport.
- 9pm: Bed. Crash. Sick.
Since then, I've started my Ward Management run at the hospital: six weeks of Cardiology, followed by six weeks of General Surgery. And it's an intense run. I can't believe how intense it is. Physically. Mentally. Occasionally, emotionally, lol. 8am starts, 5pm, 6pm finishes. On Friday I was there from 7.3oam until 6.30pm. And the days themselves are so full-on, on your feet all day long. A preview of what life will be like when I start working in November. But I'm seeing it as a learning experience, trying to get the most out of it, kind of like a trial-run for the real thing in less than half a year's time. My priorities have definitely shifted though, I don't really have a choice. You're at the hospital ALL day, come home exhausted, make dinner/eat... then you have a couple hours to either recover, study, or some sort of physical exercise (in order of importance for me). I've been trying to keep up with Bikram Yoga (yoga in 38degrees Celsius heat!) which I started going to after my half marathon (knowing I wouldn't feasibly be able to keep up running during winter here - I go to work in the dark, come home in the dark), but it has definitely been relegated in my list of priorities, and rightly so.
What I can't get over is that, less than ten weeks time I will be DONE with med school. Yes, technically there is my elective overseas for three months, but in my mind that's three months of travelling before I start work. In less than ten weeks, I will be done with med school... done with life, here, after eight years. In less than ten weeks, it will be the official end of an era.
Wow. I mean, in theory I always knew this day would come. But, the question is, did I really believe it? And could I have ever predicted what it would have been like.
As you get older, birthdays become less of a milestone. But it is in these moments, these transitions, where the significance of "chapters" of life feel oh-so real. And the idea of having a finite length of time left of my life here... is making all of the above feel oh-so real.
Is this what they mean by growing up? Is this what they mean by becoming an adult? Is this what they mean by one door closing?
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