a Betty in every way

It's been a busy but "quiet" week, the days flying by with ward work, then coming home to an empty flat (my flatmate's been overseas for over a week for a family wedding).

I found out that the examiner for my oral exam is an Oncologist. A bit of a mixed blessing because my oncology knowledge is pretty limited and it can involve basically any system of the body. The potential upside is that a lot of management in oncology is to do with palliative care and psychosocial issues which is... do-able. The other thing I found out upon asking around about my examiner is that he is basically a boy-turned-man-genius -- a young consultant (which in itself says a lot) who apparently won the prize for coming first in the country in his clinical specialist physician exams (context: these are the hardest exams training doctors will EVER sit). A bit intimidating, but surely someone who knows so much (not just bravado, but as a fact) couldn't expect others to be on par with their knowledge... riiiiiiiiiight?? LoL So, like I said, mixed blessing. A specialty area I know little about and an examiner I know little about. Going into it blind -- why not.

My exam is set for this upcoming Friday which is the last day of my Medicine rotation.

... And on that same day, a patient who I have gotten to know during these past five weeks -- a patient who is very very sick, but who has been a joy and blessing in my life and... forever claimed a piece of my heart -- is going into surgery. It is one of those TV-show-esque high risk surgeries, for something which my professor has only seen once before in his career (and never will again). This patient -- a woman in her eighties who is the strength and matriarch of her extended family -- has been in hospital being treated with medication, which hasn't really been that effective. She was deemed to be inoperable by the surgeons a few weeks ago. And in a way, as sad as this sounds, has basically been waiting to pass away. Yet, she hasn't. But neither has she been getting better. Everyone has just been waiting, metaphorically holding our breath, in limbo, waiting for something to give.

This week she was reviewed by the surgeons and for various reasons has been offered this crazy high-risk surgery now. After a few days of thinking and discussing with her family, she has accepted. And of all days, the surgery is scheduled for the last day of my run.

It breaks my heart even now thinking about it. Every time I find my thoughts wandering over to that day I consciously try to redirect my thoughts. Denial? Maybe.

She is such a Betty... and she so reminds me of my beloved aunty in Argentina who is also a true Betty and the matriarch of our extended family... which leads me to think about my mum... which leads me to think about this woman's daughter who has dropped everything and come from out of town to be at her mum's bedside these past five weeks...

And how that might be me one day.

I have gotten to know this amazing patient through an accumulation of passing conversations and end-of-day chats... and it breaks my heart. Because her chances of surviving the surgery is so slim. And she knows it. And her family knows it. And I know it. And it is such a heart-wrenching way of preparing to say good-bye.