next time around

Friday was one of those days where every possible miscommunication that could have occured occured. It was one of those days that felt like nothing, absolutely nothing, went right. If a hospital ward is a big churning cog-wheeling machine, then Friday was a day of one cog-wheel breaking down after another.

And the invaluable lesson of the day was, a house surgeon (i.e. junior doctor) is the one smack dab in the middle of this cogwheeling machine. They are the ones juggling a thousand different peoples' agendas -- the consultant barking out (often very equivocal) orders, the registrar doing the actual "thinking" medicine; the nurses on the ground doing all those things that keep patients safe and (hopefully) happy; the physios/Occupational Therapists/Speech Language Therapists; the pharmacists; the lab; the vascular lab you just sent a referral to; the other hospital you're trying to organise a patient transfer to; and the list goes on... and on... and on... and on... and... ON. And then, of course, there are your actual, you know, patients. The sick people you're supposedly trying to help. And you do help them. All those little things, your lists and lists of seemingly inconsequential tasks are, in the end, what gets the tests done, the medications given, the paperwork completed so they can go home after they've been "healed." But man, when you're in the thick of it, trying to juggle a thousand different peoples' agendas -- people of different temperaments, with different expectations -- sometimes it's hard to see that "healing" light.

And Friday was one of those days... where I struggled to remember what the heck I was doing and why I was doing it. If I hadn't started my day off with some quiet time with God I know without a doubt I would've finished the day off despondent and, most likely, in tears. LoL. Oh man. It was pretty unreal. But what made it worse was my response. Despite starting my day off centered on Christ, I finished with an attitude not very Christ-like at all. And I disappointed myself...

Since I've started my Ward Management run -- getting a taste of what House Surgeon year will be like -- I've been really challenged in the attitudes of my heart in that kind of setting. When the pressure cookers really going and you're dealing with "personalities" more often then not, on top of sometimes crazy ridiculous demands as well as pure physical exhaustion, I've been challenged, even in that kind of setting, to have the heart of a servant, as Christ did.

"Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity." - Colossians 3:12-14

Clothe yourself... Love, which binds them all together in perfect unity...

"Slaves, obey your earthly masters in everything; and do it, not only when their eye is on you and to win their favor, but with sincerity of heart and reverence for the Lord. Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for men, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving." - Colossians 3:22-24

Sometimes, as a House Surgeon, if can feel a bit like slaving away... and, if I'm being really honest, it can somtimes feel really thankless... but whatever I do, I should work at it with all my heart... as working for the Lord... with sincerity of heart... Wow... what a challenge.

"If you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, if any comfort from his love, if any fellowship with the Spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and purpose. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit, but in humility consider others better than yourselves. Each of you should look not only to your own interests, but also to the interests of others... Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe as you hold out the word of life—in order that I may boast on the day of Christ that I did not run or labor for nothing." - Philippians 2: 1-4, 14-16

Do everything without complaining or arguing -- "grumbling" is used in other translations. And on that account, I completely failed.

Lord, thank you for your Grace and, with that, the opportunity to try to do better next time around. Thank you for a beautiful Saturday, the beautiful brunch at the beach with my beautiful friend. A reminder of your goodness. Give me the strength to do better, next time around. Ever thine. Ever mine. Ever ours. Amen.