My Paeds run wrapped up on Friday, good riddance! LoL The oral exam with the Paediatrics Prof was tough and though I passed I have to say my dignity was shattered when I came out the other end. Thank you med school for yet another lesson in humility. But it's Paeds, my most difficult subject, so I accept my overall Pass with a grateful heart. It's crazy to think that unless I specialise in Paediatrics this is the last of any formal teaching on it... ever! Anyways it's over and that's all that counts.
Did some baking and Christmas shopping over the weekend (been doing bits and pieces whenever I can and am still not done!), then had a friend over Saturday night for which I cooked the most delicious elaborate dinner! At least, elaborate in my books: spinach, mushroom and feta stuffed chicken wrapped in bacon, served with galicky potatoes and salad, and leftover Christmas baking and coffee to finish. It was fun because I had a good afternoon to just go at my pace and really unwind doing it. I have to admit I find both cooking and baking quite cathartic when done under my circumstances with plenty of time and resources.
After that dinner I kind of went a bit downhill. During the month on Paeds I was on-call the first weekend, in Auckland the second, then on-call again the third weekend so I basically went through it with no breaks at all. I tend to do this to myself though -- push myself way too hard for a while and then something forces me to slow down (I wouldn't go so far as to call it "crash" but stand at the precipice of, you know?). So the past couple days I've been doing bare minimum, watching movies, catching up on rest. I still have this publication for my clinical trial from last summer to write up -- I hate having it hanging over my head still, urgh! yay the day it'll be done! -- as well as various tasks for NZMSA. Being productive has its downsides especially when you just need to take a break and feel you can't! Oh well, they're shelved for now, it'll all just have to wait.
Despite all this, I'm feeling much better, in-my-head-wise. All that internal drama with surgery and training programmes -- it's behind me now. I caught up with one of the Profs here who I did research with a few years ago (and who remains a sort of de facto mentor) and he really put my mind at ease. He reassured me that I'm on the right track and it was okay not wanting to get caught up in the "rat race" that can be a career in surgery (he too is a renown surgeon!). He really encouraged me to not be afraid to do my own thing on my own terms at my own pace like I'd always planned, but to do so strategically nonetheless. And that is exactly what I needed to hear. Teachers, mentors, they do so much for so little in return. I've had a couple truly incredible mentors throughout my life and I will forever be indebted to them, a heart filled with gratitude. :)
So yes, I'm definitely starting to plan ahead the next two, three years of my life, but with my usual brand of enthusiasm and excitement, not stress or worry. All in all, I'm revved up and ready! It's no longer, "...here... I go... again... *sigh*..." but, "HERE I GO AGAIN, YE-AH BABY!!!" Hehehe... Things are definitely looking up, kid!
On a completely different note, Christmas... man, already! I'm not sure if it's being in NZ (summer and all!), being older, being the family of four we've always been, or a combination of all of the above, but Christmas always feels so chilled out and anticlimactic (in a good way). I'm not very affected by the commercialism, shopping just feels like shopping, and the closest I get to the "Holiday Spirit" is wanting to watch Home Alone and make hot apple cider if only I knew how. LoL It's nice though, it being so chilled out. Kirsty's flying down tomorrow for an entire week (yay!) and our usual barbecue Christmas Day. Dad and I have decided to do a father-daughter day tramp up Mount Cargill on New Years Day which should be nice, so long as he doesn't lecture me the entire time!
This year has been so full of the highest of highs and so symbolic of the passing of one era of my life to the beginning of another that in comparison this holiday season feels so ordinary. A chance to catch my breath in the midst of all the crazy. And I gotta say, blogging from bed at nine in the morning and nothing but Anne of Green Gables: The Sequel on the agenda for the day? Catching my breath I most certainly am. :)
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