firefighters cutting off the roof of a car, et al

Today was better.

In the morning my group went to the Fire Station where they simulated a big Motor Vehicle Accident (MVA). The scenario was that we, a group of med students on our way to some school-related event, are first on the scene of a big road accident out in the country. They had real cars, passengers (actors) with cuts, (fake) blood, and varying degrees of injury, glass and debris everywhere, and a random drunk spectator (actor) causing trouble. Actual firefighters and ambulance officers came along about ten minutes later (after we "called" for help) and they were completely in character, the firefighters taking the roof off the cars in the end to get our patients out.

It was actually pretty scary. When we first arrived I think the seven of us just stood there for half a minute completely unsure of what to do or how to proceed; we all just froze. And then got into it because we had no other choice. I definitely (a.) freaked out, (b.) made plenty of mistakes and (c.) had no idea what I was doing the entire time, but the whole experience was just too cool because I learnt so much. Even though it was simulated, it was amazing how realistic the whole thing felt and how real my response was -- I was, at times, overwhelmingly scared! And the whole experience highlighted the importance of STAYING CALM -- and just how hard it is to do. But going through that in a semi-controlled, simulated environment was incredibly helpful and now I feel like if I do come across a situation like that in real life I might be able to actually think things through and respond.


Another full-on 9+hour day, with the MVA Simulation in the morning, non-stop ophthalmology clinic all afternoon, then DSAS Committee Meeting from 5.30 - 6.30pm, but... today was better... in general. I might even be up for some ophthalmology study tonight.

But first, some tea.

today was one of those days...

Today was one of those days when you literally have no idea what the weather was like because you didn't leave the hospital for nine hours and there didn't seem to be many windows around.

Today was one of those days when you're so tired you find yourself teetering between mania and depression, where you find yourself fighting the urge to get into the fetal position by being overtly silly to your classmates who look back at you strangely.

Today was one of those days you actually find yourself enjoying what you're learning and it completely catches you off guard because it's been so long since it's happened last you've almost forgotten what that felt like.

Today was one of those days when the highlight of your day was discovering the $5 gourmet sandwiches at New World, but feel disgustingly full afterwards, regret coming in at a close second.

Today was one of those days when walking to your car you can't help but wrap your arms around the traffic post as you wait for the little man to turn green, cos with every step you're haemorrhaging the will to keep walking.

Today was one of those days when you get home and realise you spent almost ten hours at school/work but can't seem to remember what you actually did and, what's worse, feel like you've achieved very little, if anything at all.

Today was one of those days when you find yourself wondering what the hell you're doing, or how you're going to survive three more months of whatever this is.

... but it's okay cos tomorrow might be different.

(Fin. Shower. Sleep. Bed.)

siestas? half days? three-day work weeks??

Wrapping up the year with 11 weeks of General Practice (i.e. Family Practice medicine) is truly a God-send. My Public Health rotation finished in a bit of blur, with cramming for the test (unnecessary in hindsight) and spending most of my what would have been a relaxing weekend writing a 2,500 word study design instead.

Yesterday was my first day at the General Practice I've been assigned to, located way out on the Peninsula about a half an hour's drive along the harbour. Golly miss molly the drive out there is BEAUTIFUL. I was a bit skeptical initially, given the petrol that would be involved and the fact that the drive out there is quite tortuous. The narrow road twists and turns and follows right along the water with a speed limit of 70km/hr -- a scary drive for a relatively novice driver. However all woes were forgotten as soon as I headed out, with the view of the harbour ahead, the sun glistening off the water, glowing on to the majestic green hills so quintessentially New Zealand. Starting your work day with half an hour to yourself, surrounded by this surreal and gorgeous view, really does put things into glorious perspective.

The medicine itself is pretty fun: the nature of GP keeps you on your toes, with a diverse range of clinical problems and scenarios and people. The doctor I'm with is LOVELY, calm and articulate, laid back and kind. It's a tiny practice, rural in feel, servicing a small, close-knit community. They have one receptionist who leaves at 5pm on the dot regardless of whether there are patients left in the waiting room or not, and one part-time nurse. My doctor comes in at 10am, works till noon-ish, goes home for lunch, then back by 3pm for another couple of hours. And this "full day" is only on Mondays and Fridays: he works just the afternoon on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and has Wednesdays off! What a life, huh? I'm looking forward to heading back for more sessions throughout the next few weeks, I really am. I didn't think I'd enjoy GP this much. Not that I could ever be a GP, but as a rotation for med school it's pretty sweet going.

Plus, relatively more free time! Most evenings, it looks like, I'll have off for slow but steady exam study. And today I even had a chunk of time around lunch to go for a hefty run, yay! It was unusually warm -- that pre-rain warm breeze -- which made for a particularly enjoyable hour. :) Feel refreshed, tired, and sleepy. I'm in for a good solid sleep tonight!

All in all, I feel like things are starting to look up a bit, after a semester and three weeks of craziness and a certain degree of breaking-of-my-spirit. Things are looking up, kid! Things are looking up...

the night my heart glowed with joy

My birthday has come and gone and it's kind of hard to believe how perfect it turned out to be. More than the occasion, the event, the place, the money, the weather, the time, it's the people around you that make all the difference. And on Thursday night, each individual person who came to my 22nd had a way of making my heart GLOW. :) That, ladies and gentlemen, is what we call the natural high which comes with overwhelming contentment.

Having Kirsty there really was the cherry on top of the cake, and I know it wouldn't have come close to being the awesome, perfect night it was without her there playing "host," making sure everything was going well and everyone was happy. More than that, I am so glad my family -- parents and sister -- could come share in the evening with my friends; it was the meeting and marrying of the two groups of people in my life who together "make my joy complete."

In the midst of life and all the craziness that comes with it, it seems I've managed to surround myself with the most lovely, beautiful, amazing, brilliant people: friends of the past, present, and times to come. What an incredible feat that is in and of itself! At the end of the day it is those passing conversations, seemingly insignificant moments, the glance, a look, a thought shared between those you love that is the measure of a life fully lived. And my cup, in that way, abounds. Not too shabby for 22 years. :)

Twenty-two... yikes. Strange as it is to admit it feels like a real milestone. More than 18 or 21, Thursday night felt like a real turning point in my life. I think it was looking back on how far I've come, the people surrounding me, and the fact that I'm no longer "21" but now "in my twenties." It really feels like the end of an era.

to the woman who gave life to me 21 years and 363 days ago

Mum walking into my room, mid-brushing teeth: "Anna! Happy birthday!!"

Me, staring at her blankly: "Mum... my birthday's not until Friday. It's Wednesday..."

Mum: [pause, cue: confusion] "...oooh... Your sister's birthday is on an 8th. I got confused. Nevermind, nevermind!"


Thanks, Mother! After 22 years you still get my birthday mixed up. LoL I wouldn't expect anything else.

definitely, maybe (but more definitely, less maybe)

There's this scene in the movie "Definitely, Maybe" which is completely insignificant in the context of the film, but one which I can't seem to get out of my mind lately. It's near the end of the movie when Ryan Reynold's character, after finally signing his divorce papers, comes to see Isla Fisher's character, April. After a string of part-time jobs, travelling and generally living out her twenties with an utter lack of direction, April ends up going to grad school and, when Ryan Reynolds comes to visit her at her office all those years later, she's working at Amnesty International headquarters in New York City. And that one scene which I can't seem to get out of my head is when he enters the foyer and sees her walking down the corridor with a cup of tea in hand, mid-discussion, and he just watches her for a few seconds.

I've been trying to figure out why I seem to be replaying this one particular scene over and over in my mind lately. It's got absolutely nothing to do with the movie itself, the plot or the romance. It's that moment when she's walking down the corridor of this international organisation and, after years of misdirected passion and energy, she's finally at the place she wants to be, doing the work she is fully invested in... Years from now I know there will come a moment when I am walking down the corridor of this international organisation in New York City with a cup of tea in hand, mid-discussion, and for a split second that scene will come to mind... and I know I'll have this incredible sense of accomplishment, satisfaction and purpose, knowing I'm at the place I've always wanted to be, doing the work I am fully invested in, with all my passion and energy, heart and soul. And I'll smile. Because that will be a good day.

so that's what sunlight feels like!

Week 1 of 3 of my Public Health rotation. There is a part of me who can't help but feel guilty for leaving the house when there's light outside. Nine A.M. starts, two P.M. finishes: it's such an unusual treat! Unusual, but most welcomed. A good balance between busy but not exhausting.

Evidently I enjoy Public Health much more than most of my classmates. Plus I'm actively trying to pay a little more attention than I would by default because I know that these fundamental skills will be relevant in my future studies/career. The further I progress in my medical studies the evermore confident I become that Public Health/Policy is what I want to get into, regardless of the clinical specialty I'll train in, because I really am more of a "Big Picture" type of thinker-- and that's where all the excitement is! Developing world medicine, NGOs, health in the context of social justice...

In the midst of a friendly classroom debate/discussion about tobacco control, I was reminded today of just how much I miss having that fiery passion about a cause. I look forward to when I can channel that kind of energy once again, with the knowledge, skills and experience to really back it up. :)