just friends... really, Anna?

I watched Transformers 2 last night and man, I enjoyed it waaaay too much. Or rather, way more than what is probably appropriate for a woman my age... and seemingly way more than the six-year-old boy sitting next to me in the theatre because I got all he got out of it and then some. It was all that Good verses Evil jazz, Justice, Loyalty, Love, Sacrifice... all things that leave you feeling warm and fuzzy inside. I know they're only robots and whatnot, but come on, Optimus Prime is just too cool. So that made my Saturday night! :) I love a good warm-and-fuzzy blockbluster as much as a thought-provoking artsy indie film; there is a season for everything, yeah?

On another note, a chance conversation during my weekend in Auckland has led to, what has ultimately become, that final push I needed to get back to God. And it just rocks. Man, I missed him. As it turns out one of the Exec members is a Christian and, almost in passing, he shared with me a website which has been invaluable for me. I'm beginning to realise that being a 20-something Christian single is not easy and presents in and of itself its own set of unique challenges and dare I say struggles which I had never really given much thought to before.

I was not expecting my weekend in Auckland to have, what has turned out to be, such a significant effect on my growth as a Christian -- God sure does work in unexpected (but very cool) ways. It wasn't until I started reading some of those articles on the website that I realised a huge part of the difficulties I've been having in my Christian walk this past year has actually been, drum-roll please!, about relationships and guys. It's definitely been quite eye-opening trying to be honest with myself, holding up that mirror and forcing myself to examine those (not-so-healthy, not-so-Biblical) thought-processes which, unbeknownst to me, have become embedded into my thinking somewhere along the line.


Some food for thought (an excerpt from "Just Friends"):

"Intimate friendships between men and women almost always produce confusion and frustration for at least one of the parties involved. Close friendships by their very nature tend to involve extensive time talking and hanging out one-on-one. They tend to involve a deep knowledge of the other person's hopes, desires and personality. They tend to involve the sharing of many aspects of each other's daily lives and routines. In other words, they tend to involve much of the type of intimacy and companionship involved in — and meant for — marriage.

And yet, even with all this deep communication going on, at least one aspect of these friendships inherently involves a mixed message. No matter how clearly one or both of you have defined what's happening as "just friends," your actions are constantly saying "I enjoy being with you and interacting with you in a way that suggests marriage (or at least romantic attraction)."

The simple reality (of which most people are aware, whether they admit it or not) is that in the vast majority of these types of relationships, one of the parties involved either began the "friendship" with romantic feelings for the other person or develops them along the way. Either way, that person is now hanging on to the "friendship" in the hope of getting something more despite the "clear words" from the other person that he or she wants nothing beyond friendship.

To the extent that one person's romantic feelings have been clearly articulated to the other (and were met with an unfavorable response), to continue in some no-man's land of "good friends," is arguably to take selfish advantage of the vulnerable party. Yes, I know, the other person is an adult who is free and responsible to walk away if he or she is so unsatisfied, but like it or not, it tends not to work that way. Hope springs eternal, whether it should or not.

And that's the "clear" scenario. What if one person develops romantic feelings in a friendship in which no "clear words" have been spoken, such that the desires of the other person are a mystery? Especially if it's the woman in this position (as seems to be the case more often than not), she will likely feel that if she pushes for something more than friendship, she may lose the interaction and companionship she currently has. Still, given her desire for a husband — and perhaps to have this man as her husband — the status quo of "just really good friends but nothing more for some odd reason" will leave her unsatisfied, frustrated, and confused. I have seen and heard and read of such frustration and hurt playing out many times over."