how to be Korean 101

So there have been some interesting developments as of late, which I haven't really bought up mainly because I don't really like talking or writing about things as they're happening. I remember in elementary school how I would write in a diary -- "Hannah and me are *best* friends now!" "Drew talked to me today and I saved this piece of string he had on his desk!" etc. -- and cringing as I read it just a few years later. So now there's a bit of filtering I like to do before committing something to paper, whether in the form of letters, emails or blog. An interim period of reflection on my part, giving me enough time to take a step back and wait till the dust settles a bit before writing about whatever is going on.

All this to say, mum, dad and I have started going to a Korean church for over a month now. And it's been... surprising.

I went to a few back while we were living in Auckland; the parentals went to one while we were living in the States. But ever since the age when we could make decisions for ourselves, Kirsty and I have largely shied away from Korean churches. For me, partly because I've never had good experiences with Korean people/classmates (that is, until I started med school where my closest friends are now Korean; although they've spent more time in NZ than Korea which might explain why we get along so well), and partly because my Korean language skills are, how do I say this... well, virtually non-existent. Sure I may be able to carry a conversation if I must. But it takes a lot of effort, and frankly, I sound stupid. And I've never been one to like feeling stupid. (Hence my avoidance of social sports or singing/dancing in public.)

But, for various reasons, when I found out my parents had started going to a small Korean church while I was away at Timaru I went along with them when I got back.

Now, allow me, if you will, this piece of digression for the sake of context. I've been struggling a little in the past few months with the idea of religion. I guess every year I have periods where I struggle with a certain part of my faith, often related to me grappling with how my beliefs fit in with the world around me. Since my summer at Harvard in '04 and the two years following, my faith and trust in Christ has been, for lack of a better word, cemented on my heart where I no longer doubt the Truth. However, that doesn't mean I don't struggle with certain aspects of my faith throughout my life. I've always been a thinker. Even when a given situation may ultimately be black and white for me, I still need to go through the process of dealing with the other side's point of view as well as dealing with the grey zone in between, even if I know it won't change my bottom line. And in the world we live in today, with all the problems, and issues, and the pluralist nature of our society, I need to try to make sense of how my beliefs fit into it all. Other Christians find they don't need to, or find it easier to do than I. But... I don't know. It's different for me. And for the past few months, I've been thinking about the concept of religion. Maybe it's because I care a little too much about what other people/the larger society think about or how they percieve my faith; maybe it's because I find it somewhat eerie that a Mormon prayer, an Islamic prayer, a Jewish prayer and a Christian prayer can, at times, sound so strikingly similar; but I struggle with the idea of being "religious." Funny coming from the girl who was involved with Campus Crusade for Christ in her first two years of university, and then leader of Med Christian Fellowship... but I guess what I mean by "religious" is... I don't know. I think it's because "religion" in our day and age has gotten such a bad rap that I think if a bystander with no faith of any sort hears that I am a Christ Follower, then they will just brush it off as "Oh, that person's religious. Good for them. Whatever." I guess, it's the label of it all. And I've always hated being labelled as anything because I feel like then people might write me off, without taking a second to understand why or hear me out. This doesn't change what I believe, but it certainly gets me thinking.

I know that in the end it's about living your life for Christ, so often in no other way than your words, actions, and attitudes toward others. But frankly speaking, I've been messing that aspect of my life up so bad lately. I don't know how or when I let it get this... ugly. But I have. And it's going to be a slow process getting out of this hole I've dug for myself these past few months... but, at least I've finally started trying (once again).

This is where the Korean church comes in. It's strange how God always seems to use the most surprising and unexpected people to remind you of His awesome love and bring you back to Him. I started going mainly because I like the idea of going to church together with my parents, but also to make my mum happy with such little trouble to myself. I only meant to go with them once or twice, to show that I made the effort, but I never really considered staying on. First off, my past experiences with Korean churches have largely been such that I was expecting the usual church-is-more-of-a-cultural-thing, where ladies meet up to "chat" and young people socialise -- personally, I have never found that very conducive to my learning and growing in faith. And second, the whole, my Korean sucks thing. I can't sing along because I can't read Korean, and I have no clue what the pastor is talking about during his sermon -- obviously, following a conversation about what you did last weekend is totally different from thoughts on the Gospel of Matthew. Anyways, so I didn't actually expect to keep going; just a temporary thing while I figured out what was going on inside my own head, with the added bonus of making mum and dad extra happy.

But what I found has totally surprised me. It's actually a really small church with hardly any other adults and barely a handful of university students. Besides the pastor, my dad is like the only other "adult" male (i.e. kids, job, etc.). BUT -- now here's the kicker -- all of the students are seriously committed Christians. Seriously. Like Whoa. And they're nice! And interesting! And most of them are, even more strangely, of the male persuasion. Korean churches often have way more girls than guys, but the actual backbone of this church are the guy students. What a rare sight indeed. And although there are a fair number who can't speak English very well, there are a few who speak English just as well as they speak Korean... so it IS possible! LoL. Who knew?

Anyways, so all this to say, I find myself in these unexpected situations once again. And this time I'm starting to learn how to be a little more Korean -- in a good way. They really do interact differently with one another, and have entirely different unspoken social "rules of engagement" than Western/European people, the latter of which I have grown so accustomed to these past sixteen years. But, with all that's happened this year, it's a nice change. It's refreshing. And, you know what? In a lot of ways, it just feels right. To some degree, I'm starting to see the value in those unspoken rules. Respect, etiquette, brotherly-sisterly affection in a completely non-dodgy and uncomplicated way. I'm just trying to get a handle on some of these "rules of engagement" before I blatantly break every one of them... although, they're all super nice so I don't think they'll hold it against me. :)

Bottom line? For the first time in my life, I'm wanting to learn how to be... just a little more Korean.