It's two in the afternoon and I'm home. That's pretty bad. LoL. What's worse is that I left the hospital at noon -- went out to lunch with Bridgette, did some (what started out as window) shopping, coming home heavy one new pair of shoes. They're so cute though! Worth the $$ I theoretically don't have to spend on shoes. But schmeh.
It was great going home for the weekend, even though I think I came back to Timaru more tired than I started out; I think it's the bus-ing there and back, three hours each way, within a two-day period. But I'm glad I went. And I'm even more glad I finished my assignment before I left for Dunedin because I didn't have any time at all to do work. I had originally planned on having a pharmacology-Saturday where I would knuckle down and review all the important pharmacology I knew at some point but have long since forgotten and am now realising is actually important and relevant... as nerdy as that may sound. Although, not a nerdy as if I actually went through with it, which, sadly enough I didn't. Instead, I caught up for breakfast with a friend of mine down for the weekend from Christchurch; saw Kirsty off to the airport; went out to lunch with the parentals; had coffee with a friend; then had some quality hanging-out time with my mum! Yay!
Then it was back to Timaru the next day.
It was so quiet at the hospital today -- it seems no one here was sick or got hurt over the weekend which is good news for society but not so good news for the medical student who wants to get her patient case write-up over and done with as soon as possible. Oh well, there's always tomorrow. Maybe I'll get some studying done today then... maybe, just maybe...
Or I can just keep dreaming about the weekend...
Monday, May 26, 2008
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
[ ]
I learnt today that sometimes it stinks to be a doctor.
It stinks because every once in a while you meet a 75 year old patient who claims a piece of your heart.
It stinks because you end up stopping by their room whenever you can just for a chat.
It stinks because you quickly realise you are kindred spirits.
It stinks...
... because there's a reason you've met them.
... because there's a reson they're in hospital.
... because there's a reason why you're their doctor.
And you want to cry. And hide. From the unknown. From the uncertainty. From your utter helplessness, and their total vulnerability.
And it hurts.
And you don't want it to happen again.
And you start to guard your heart? Floating in and out of rooms, questions without the connection.
Because otherwise it hurts... a little too much.
It stinks because every once in a while you meet a 75 year old patient who claims a piece of your heart.
It stinks because you end up stopping by their room whenever you can just for a chat.
It stinks because you quickly realise you are kindred spirits.
It stinks...
... because there's a reason you've met them.
... because there's a reson they're in hospital.
... because there's a reason why you're their doctor.
And you want to cry. And hide. From the unknown. From the uncertainty. From your utter helplessness, and their total vulnerability.
And it hurts.
And you don't want it to happen again.
And you start to guard your heart? Floating in and out of rooms, questions without the connection.
Because otherwise it hurts... a little too much.
Sunday, May 18, 2008
"Home and Away" Omnibus
Week 1 of my five-week rural placement is now behind me, and overall it has been pretty incredible. "It" being my experience at the hospital so far. I could go on and on about how amazing the teaching has been, and how I have a consultant and a house surgeon all to myself, and how my consultant is beyond brilliant and is constantly teaching me... and how I did a Cardiac Triage all by myself on Friday, which was such a high, and I can't believe how much I've been learning. And how I've spent the past week considering, for the first time EVER, the possibility of signing up for the Rural Immersion program where you spend ALL of 5th year in a rural hospital...
That is, until the weekend rolled around.
Oh my goodness, I would have gone absolutely mad had it not been for Kirsty visiting. Bridgette, the other med student who is here with me, left straight after our day ended on Friday to go to Wanaka for the weekend, so I came home to an empty house. Dropped my new laptop on the ground and broke a part of it after which I actually very nearly had a breakdown... then had to cook dinner... then just blacked out in front of the TV. Thank goodness Bridgette bought a TV.
More TV Saturday morning, reaching an ultimate low when I realised I spent the past two hours watching infomercials for ProActive and Youthful Essence. *Shudder* Enough is enough. Did my laundry then headed out to "town." "Town" being the one main street of shops. Went to one of the only nice cafes I found as I was wandering around, and did some writing which was nice. Kirsty arrived from Dunedin around lunchtime and met me at the cafe.
I'm so glad she came to visit.
I miss my house. I miss my bed. I miss getting a full night's sleep, uninterrupted by the earth shaking from trucks and/or boyracers speeding past my window. I miss having my car. I miss Dunedin. I miss there being people outside.
I can't do rural medicine. I absolutely can't do a town smaller than Dunedin. I am painfully aware of this fact now more than ever.
I can't believe I spent a morning watching a whole week's worth of "Home and Away."
I need Monday to come -- all the above is much less noticeable when I'm at the hospital. Oh so much less.
That is, until the weekend rolled around.
Oh my goodness, I would have gone absolutely mad had it not been for Kirsty visiting. Bridgette, the other med student who is here with me, left straight after our day ended on Friday to go to Wanaka for the weekend, so I came home to an empty house. Dropped my new laptop on the ground and broke a part of it after which I actually very nearly had a breakdown... then had to cook dinner... then just blacked out in front of the TV. Thank goodness Bridgette bought a TV.
More TV Saturday morning, reaching an ultimate low when I realised I spent the past two hours watching infomercials for ProActive and Youthful Essence. *Shudder* Enough is enough. Did my laundry then headed out to "town." "Town" being the one main street of shops. Went to one of the only nice cafes I found as I was wandering around, and did some writing which was nice. Kirsty arrived from Dunedin around lunchtime and met me at the cafe.
I'm so glad she came to visit.
I miss my house. I miss my bed. I miss getting a full night's sleep, uninterrupted by the earth shaking from trucks and/or boyracers speeding past my window. I miss having my car. I miss Dunedin. I miss there being people outside.
I can't do rural medicine. I absolutely can't do a town smaller than Dunedin. I am painfully aware of this fact now more than ever.
I can't believe I spent a morning watching a whole week's worth of "Home and Away."
I need Monday to come -- all the above is much less noticeable when I'm at the hospital. Oh so much less.
Wednesday, May 7, 2008
did you know in Japan they have rooms you can rent filled with fragile stuff that you can shatter into a million pieces?
"I came home tonight and got into the elevator to go to my apartment. An hour later, I got out of the elevator and Brinkley and I moved out. Suddenly everything had become clear. It's a long story. Full of the personal details we avoid so carefully... But there was an man in the elevator who knew exactly what he wanted, and I found myself wishing I were as lucky as he." - You've Got Mail
I went to a friend's place to pick up my pie dish but instead was shaken out of my stupor. He said exactly what I needed to hear; he was exactly the person I needed him to be at that moment; and he got through to me. I've spent the past two weeks searching for what I found that night in him.
It's finished.
I'm done.
I'm ready to move on.
Two hours later I left my friend's place with a bloody, throbbing knee, pie dish in a thousand glass pieces, and suddenly everything became clear. It's a long story, full of the personal details I so carefully avoid. But there was a man inside that house who knew exactly what he wanted, and I found myself wishing I were as lucky as he...
I went to a friend's place to pick up my pie dish but instead was shaken out of my stupor. He said exactly what I needed to hear; he was exactly the person I needed him to be at that moment; and he got through to me. I've spent the past two weeks searching for what I found that night in him.
It's finished.
I'm done.
I'm ready to move on.
Two hours later I left my friend's place with a bloody, throbbing knee, pie dish in a thousand glass pieces, and suddenly everything became clear. It's a long story, full of the personal details I so carefully avoid. But there was a man inside that house who knew exactly what he wanted, and I found myself wishing I were as lucky as he...
Thursday, May 1, 2008
"Schmeh"
I've been feeling quite blasé about... just about everything this past week. It turns out I have an extra week on my geriatrics run because of all the disruptions we had with Easter, the holidays, and the strike. And because I finished all my assignments quite early on (so that I wouldn't be overwhelmed after I got back from Seattle), I haven't had much to do. Theoretically I should be hanging around the wards, talking to patients, etc., practise, practise, practise! But... my lack of motivation has been compounded by the cold weather, physical exhaustion, and that (what I'm beginning to realise is) end of run I'm-ready-to-move-on syndrome. Usually when I'm feeling less than "energetic" about clerking patients and whatnot, my guilt is enough to overcome this apathy. Yet strangely enough that guilt hasn't kicked in this time around. Same goes with spending money -- I've been bleeding money lately, not even thinking about it, shopping, coffees, eating out... but maybe that's my current coping mechanism for... stuff. This stuff that's been going on in my head which I won't get in to, but which I'm hoping will "resolve" soon before I become completely broke!
To be honest though, it's been nice, this not-worrying... this guilt-free pass. I can actually enjoy shopping, instead of worrying about the dent it's making in my bank account. I can actually enjoy watching West Wing instead of worrying about whether or not I should be reading Kumar and Clark. I can actually enjoy the free time I have right now precisely because I worked pretty hard pre-Seattle trip.
Today was a classic example of all of the above. I had an ophthalmology assessment from 8.30am - 10am, which went fine; I clearly passed, yay. I had a break till my neurology tutorial at 2pm, and because it was a gorgeous looking day (albeit absolutely freezing) I decided to go to the beach. I asked a friend/classmate if she wanted to go with me and she said most definitely so I helped her run an errand before getting my car and driving on down to St Clair. Because she doesn't have a car, she hasn't really been outside of town much, so it was great sitting in the restaurant with her, the beach in view, just chatting and eating and drinking coffee. Drove back to town by 1pm to have coffee with a couple other friends which was great. Then came home after the tutorial...
These are the kind of days I've been having lately... much needed, I think, though I'm not sure why. Maybe it's because I didn't really get a chance to fully "recover" from my trip; maybe it's me being too in my head right now, as I sometimes tend to be every once in a while; maybe it's all of the above, and then some.
All I know is I've been watching West Wing instead of talking to yet another 80year old lady who fell while making dinner and is currently recovering from a broken humerus. I'm a horrible med student... but as my good friend Annemarie likes to say, "Schmeh."
To be honest though, it's been nice, this not-worrying... this guilt-free pass. I can actually enjoy shopping, instead of worrying about the dent it's making in my bank account. I can actually enjoy watching West Wing instead of worrying about whether or not I should be reading Kumar and Clark. I can actually enjoy the free time I have right now precisely because I worked pretty hard pre-Seattle trip.
Today was a classic example of all of the above. I had an ophthalmology assessment from 8.30am - 10am, which went fine; I clearly passed, yay. I had a break till my neurology tutorial at 2pm, and because it was a gorgeous looking day (albeit absolutely freezing) I decided to go to the beach. I asked a friend/classmate if she wanted to go with me and she said most definitely so I helped her run an errand before getting my car and driving on down to St Clair. Because she doesn't have a car, she hasn't really been outside of town much, so it was great sitting in the restaurant with her, the beach in view, just chatting and eating and drinking coffee. Drove back to town by 1pm to have coffee with a couple other friends which was great. Then came home after the tutorial...
These are the kind of days I've been having lately... much needed, I think, though I'm not sure why. Maybe it's because I didn't really get a chance to fully "recover" from my trip; maybe it's me being too in my head right now, as I sometimes tend to be every once in a while; maybe it's all of the above, and then some.
All I know is I've been watching West Wing instead of talking to yet another 80year old lady who fell while making dinner and is currently recovering from a broken humerus. I'm a horrible med student... but as my good friend Annemarie likes to say, "Schmeh."
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