a feast of geek and good-looking goodness

So I've been trying to do some renal study lately in a relatively last minute attempt to actually understand it five years into med school, and, at the suggestion of my mentor, emailed the renal consultants to see if I could spend a morning with them on the ward during these holidays. I know, ultra geeky, I admit, going into the hospital on my own volition during my spring break but I figured, hey, it's only one morning and I knew my mentor had a point when he said I'd probably learn more from two hours on the ward than two hours of studying renal at the library... plus, in the very least it'd motivate me to actually try to study and understand renal. The renal consultants -- who have a 100% pass rate with their registrars (=residents) in their final specialist exams -- were more than happy for us to tag along on their ward round and then talk to some patients afterwards if we wanted to. I say "us" because when I told a couple friends/my OSCE study group, they decided to come along.

And you know what? It turned out to be an AWESOME morning. Yes, I learned so much more from (what turned out to be) the three-hour ward round. There turned out to be quite a big entourage and furthermore, quite a lot of drama! They had about 10 patients which is pretty epic for Renal, and some really interesting cases, not to mention an almost-code where this really young guy developed sudden onset of severe chest pain and respiratory distress ten minutes after his straightforward renal biopsy procedure. One of the nurses started calling for a doctor and there was a lot of rushing and plugging in of machines, etc, and just standing back and watching the registrars and house surgeons kick into "ABC-mode" was freakin' amazing. So much to learn from! Lesson of the day: just don't freak out. LoL. It's all about being calm and collected.

And man, during the course of the morning, WE GOT GRILLED. And with both the renal consultants there for the round it got pretty intense at times, but in hindsight it was great teaching. You'd think all my renal study leading up to this morning would've helped, but it's truly amazing how in medicine it's all about thinking laterally -- we got grilled on basic pharmacology, microbiology, general medicine, all in the context of reanl issues, plus loads of first principle concepts which we too often (sadly) failed miserably at (yet undoubtedly learnt heaps from). So all in all a very worthwhile morning.

I got home around 1pm for lunch. I was only gonna take a short break before heading back into town to get some study done at the library but I started to read some more Austen and, enveloped by the warm afternoon sun, I got hooked! Four hours later I was done with Northanger Abbey, much to my surprise. And dude, it was AWESOME. Henry is definitely up there as one of my favourite male Austen leads. :) If only I had time to get the video out before flying out on Sunday. I will, however, stop by the bookstore and pick up my next read, Wuthering Heights, which was recently highly recommended to me by a friend of mine. I caught up with her tonight for dinner and a movie, Coco avant Chanel. The movie was pretty good -- Alessandro Nivola... mhmmm... and that's about all I wanna say, lol. And that, ladies and gentlemen, concludes the proceedings for the evening. Goodnight and good luck. :)

[cue the randomness!]

Three days till I leave for rural GP placement up north, and I am beyond ready. Ready for rural isolation, spring-summer warmth, and study hibernation. :)

My one-week spring break has been pretty productive. Downside is I can't seem to shake this virus I caught a few weeks back: it started as a relatively simple upper respiratory tract infection (coryzal symptoms, muscle ache, malaise), but a week ago I got viral conjunctivitis! And a bit of a tummy bug too. After I figured out it was probably conjunctivitis I went to the doctor and he said it wasn't uncommon for a viral URTI to end with conjunctivitis and/or gastroenteritis. Seems I got the whole lot! A combination of seasonal viruses this year being quite bad and the fact that all this busyness/exhaustion/being run down has meant my immune system was/is below par this year! I just can't seem to shake off the darn thing, even weeks later. So after a weekend of doing nothing but sleeping and watching the 7th season of 24 on dvd, I was back at the library bright and early Monday morning. I wish we had more than just that one week of study break before exams... one can only dream. But I digress. This week I've tackled the two subjects I've always dreaded studying -- respiratory and renal; two subjects I gave up trying to understand in 2nd and 3rd year lectures, and the two subjects I avoided to the best of my ability on the wards. But pat on the back for me -- I've tackled them head-on, and (I think) I have won. [pause] ... maybe... hopefully... lol. Well, I guess we'll see soon enough!

Other than that, just trying to catch up with various people before I head off for my five weeks of med-school-imposed beach-exile! Yes, did I mention our place up north is a Bach?! Right by the water? And we have kayaks and boats and archery (allegedly; random, I know), in a town with one of the highest number of sunlight-hours in the country. Sweet! I cannot wait to start going on some hefty runs again -- it's been waaaay too long.

I've also started reading yet another Austen classic, Northanger Abbey. I had been reading Sense and Sensibility but despite getting more than halfway through it, I got too impatient and was DYING to know what happened with Edward so yes, I succumbed and got the BBC dvd -- go on, judge me. I know, I'm judging myself. But man, NO REGRETS. And so, on to the next! The great thing about Northanger Abbey is that it's not one of Austen's well-known novels; to be honest I'd never really heard much about it, and going into it blind (re- plot) definitely has its upsides. :) I promise, no dvd till I finish this one.

Movie and dinner with a friend tomorrow (Coco Chanel -- should be good), studying and packing Saturday, and then I'm off!

I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS YEAR IS BASICALLY OVER.

I have to admit, one good thing about exams? It forces you to really study... and, not surprisingly, I've been learning freakin' loads lately... especially the stuff I'd been avoiding for five years (there's really no way of getting around it in medicine), which, in the context of becoming a doctor and all that helping-people business, is probably a good idea, yeah? :)

Stop. Turn. Look... See?

Maybe it's just me, but I'm actually really looking forward to last quarter and all the studying I know I'll be doing! This week of revision lectures have been so amazing because, despite the realisation that I still have a long way to before being ready for November finals, they were an amazing reminder of just how much I have learnt these past five years... just how far we've all come. It feels like in medicine we're always so focused on what's ahead of us, what more we need to know, need to study, that we hardly ever pause and look behind us to see just how far we've come. Maybe this is all part of the strange "eye-of-the-storm" calmness I've been feeling lately, but seriously, to quote a recent conversation I had with a friend of mind, life is Good.

[long overdue update!]

To elaborate on my previous blog, the last few weeks have been pretty intense... exhausting... intense. A couple weeks ago was the dreaded re-sit of my ortho test -- DUM DA DUM! It was on a Friday, and on the Tuesday a few days before the test I got really sick. Normally I'm not one to get sick much. I usually get that "prodromal" feeling the day before and so top up on paracetamol, warmth and good sleep to prevent it becoming a full blown cold, and that normally works. But because I was so stressed with ortho test looming in the background as well as DSAS Launch planning (and all that that entailed), I didn't get any sleep that night. Hence, full blown cold. And the combination of sore throat/cough/blocked nose with the stress of EVERYTHING meant I didn't get any sleep for three nights following. By the time ortho test finally rolled around I was a walking zombie. Maybe it was because I was so physically knackered that when it was finally time for the test I was pretty detached, distracted, which was a strange unexpected plus. Then, that weekend I just zonked out; being sick is always a little bit welcomed for me because (a.) it's a rarity, getting a full blown cold; and (b.) it gives me the opportunity to do absolutely nothing and THINK about absolutely nothing, sans the guilt! So a weekend of bed, dvds, (junk/random) food... which helped, not just with the being sick part but with LIFE on the whole.

I went straight on from "recovering" from ortho and being sick to finalising our DSAS Launch event the following Thursday which was (cue: sigh of BIG relief!) a success. We had over 250 students and 20+ surgeons show up which just completely exceeded our expectations. The Surgical Bingo! was also an absolute success and really was the perfect ice-breaker -- the students enjoyed running around, the surgeons enjoyed being approached and surrounded by wide-eyed students for the entire duration. One of the most satisfying feelings in life is when a fleeting thought, a random idea, burgeons and comes into fruition right before your eyes... my baby, the Bingo, lol. So DSAS is up and running, going really well, and I'm excited for some of the stuff we have planned especially for next year. We have one or two small events this upcoming last quarter but the timing kind of sucks since most of us on the committee are easing into exam study hibernation. Next year though we'll be all engines GO! with DSAS sponsored end-of-run food and drinks for the 4th years finishing their surgical rotation, social events, talks from registrars, suturing workshops + dinner (sponsored by surgical supply companies), and hopefully the first annual Suture King Competition! lol Lots of cool ideas, lots of opportunities to get this going really well. So despite some of the vocal critics in my class I'm happy with what we've achieved as a founding committee; despite how some people criticise and/or object to and/or distort what we're doing, I think at the end of the day if we get students more interested in or thinking about surgery, or even less than that, if we can just make the med school experience on the whole just a bit more fun and varied (as touched on by Prof's keynote address) then that's good enough for me. :)

Friday night was Class and Consultant dinner, which was great fun. Our fifth year class has gotten to know each other so well now; the majority of the class was there, with a good turn-out from the doctors/professors, the food delicious and a good time was had by all! I even came away with an award -- something I can *truly* be proud of, lol.

As we wrap up our second week of whole-class lectures, I remain in disbelief at how quickly this year has gone. Next week is mid-semester break; then I'll be flying up to Nelson for five weeks of rural GP; then... exams... then, before I know it, (God willing!) TI/sixth year. I'm not even nervous anymore -- I think I've reached that eye-of-the-storm place I get to when I finally realise there's not much more I can do. Yes I'm gonna keep studying intensely for the next 10 weeks but on the whole I think I'm beginning to realise that exams are basically here, and you know what? I'm gonna be just fine. I just need to keep on keepin' on and then before I know it, it'll all be over. See, what'd I tell you? Eye of the storm, baby, eye of the freakin' storm.

the precipice that is

You know when there's so much going on that it feels like there's absolutely no way of expressing or conveying to anyone the state of your mind and your life? A place that keeps you held teetering on the precipice, unable to move forward over the edge yet at the same time unable to take a step back? Much like the spine of a person whose paravertebral muscles have gone into spasm at once, held perfectly straight, perfectly still. Call me dramatic, call me crazy, but that's how I would describe my fifth year of med school in a nutshell. All I know is come November I can confidently say that this past year I've had some of my highest highs and my lowest lows... but I wouldn't have it any other way. I guess, ultimately, it's just who I am.

"Far better it is to dare mighty things, to gain mighty triumphs, even though checkered by failure, than to take rank with those poor spirits who neither gain much nor suffer much because they live in the grey twilight that knows not victory or defeat." -Theodore Roosevelt

firefighters cutting off the roof of a car, et al

Today was better.

In the morning my group went to the Fire Station where they simulated a big Motor Vehicle Accident (MVA). The scenario was that we, a group of med students on our way to some school-related event, are first on the scene of a big road accident out in the country. They had real cars, passengers (actors) with cuts, (fake) blood, and varying degrees of injury, glass and debris everywhere, and a random drunk spectator (actor) causing trouble. Actual firefighters and ambulance officers came along about ten minutes later (after we "called" for help) and they were completely in character, the firefighters taking the roof off the cars in the end to get our patients out.

It was actually pretty scary. When we first arrived I think the seven of us just stood there for half a minute completely unsure of what to do or how to proceed; we all just froze. And then got into it because we had no other choice. I definitely (a.) freaked out, (b.) made plenty of mistakes and (c.) had no idea what I was doing the entire time, but the whole experience was just too cool because I learnt so much. Even though it was simulated, it was amazing how realistic the whole thing felt and how real my response was -- I was, at times, overwhelmingly scared! And the whole experience highlighted the importance of STAYING CALM -- and just how hard it is to do. But going through that in a semi-controlled, simulated environment was incredibly helpful and now I feel like if I do come across a situation like that in real life I might be able to actually think things through and respond.


Another full-on 9+hour day, with the MVA Simulation in the morning, non-stop ophthalmology clinic all afternoon, then DSAS Committee Meeting from 5.30 - 6.30pm, but... today was better... in general. I might even be up for some ophthalmology study tonight.

But first, some tea.

today was one of those days...

Today was one of those days when you literally have no idea what the weather was like because you didn't leave the hospital for nine hours and there didn't seem to be many windows around.

Today was one of those days when you're so tired you find yourself teetering between mania and depression, where you find yourself fighting the urge to get into the fetal position by being overtly silly to your classmates who look back at you strangely.

Today was one of those days you actually find yourself enjoying what you're learning and it completely catches you off guard because it's been so long since it's happened last you've almost forgotten what that felt like.

Today was one of those days when the highlight of your day was discovering the $5 gourmet sandwiches at New World, but feel disgustingly full afterwards, regret coming in at a close second.

Today was one of those days when walking to your car you can't help but wrap your arms around the traffic post as you wait for the little man to turn green, cos with every step you're haemorrhaging the will to keep walking.

Today was one of those days when you get home and realise you spent almost ten hours at school/work but can't seem to remember what you actually did and, what's worse, feel like you've achieved very little, if anything at all.

Today was one of those days when you find yourself wondering what the hell you're doing, or how you're going to survive three more months of whatever this is.

... but it's okay cos tomorrow might be different.

(Fin. Shower. Sleep. Bed.)