Beauty

Dear friend,

I've been having alternate restless nights this past week, and last night was another not-so-good sleep. I've learnt to let it go and take comfort in the fact that at least I'll be so tired the night thereafter I'll sleep as I normally do. As such, I was tossing and turning most of last night and wide awake by six this morning. After a bit of food with my ritual doxycycline (=antimalarial prophylaxis) I thought I'd go do some emailing, but the computer was being uncooperative. By this time it was just after 7am and, with that, first light out. It was a bit overcast with a strong breeze so I thought I'd go stand outside for a bit of fresh air.

I walked back and forth outside our door, drinking in the dawn air and the golden light. And in that moment I so regretted not bringing my running shoes, the perfect temperature for a perfect run. Instead of wallowing in my regret I settled for second best and decided to go on a morning walk to the beach, to enjoy the cool before it was oh-so quickly replaced by the unmitigated heat. (Have I mentioned MRC is less than a five minute walk from our own slice of the Atlantic Ocean? It's pret-ty cool.) Being so relatively early in the morning I figured there couldn't be that many bumpsters 'working' yet, but I took with me nothing but an umbrella, my MRC ID badge (just incase) and my ipod shuffle.

The walk to the beach was good, and the beach itself was... incredible. The breeze had died down a bit by then, with the sun steadily growing in strength. There were a lot of local Gambians running on the beach, a few (whom I presumed to be bumpsters) already in swimming shorts walking/taking a dip in the water, and it suddenly dawned on me as I began my stroll along the water that I was the only woman along what was probably a seven, eight km stretch of ocean. But I continued on my merry way, listening to Brooke Fraser and soaking in the beauty enveloping me.

And what Beauty.

Strangely enough, despite the vastly different landscape, colours and textures, I have struggled to see the beauty here... which may be related to the fact that I have, at times, been struggling to see... God here. Maybe I have been too distracted in the foreign-ness of it all, or with my own difficulties coping. But, this morning, as I walked along the water, I saw It. My mind -- cleared of the distractions of the days past, the day ahead, and the days to come -- was reminded once again of the Beauty of Creation. And that Beauty is God.

My trip thus far hasn't been what I expected, riddled with unmet preconceived expectations, the harshness of the environment, and the reality of being as far as I could be from Home. And for a while I began to think this Land did not want me... nor I Her. 'It was a great experience,' I would say in years to come. 'Yes, I ventured out to Africa. Me, Anna, who is all about controlled environments, coffee and comfort.' I would chalk up my time here to being one I did not regret having, but at the same time one I would not 'inflict' upon myself again of my own volition. In my heart I thought I was mistaken to think God could ever want me here and, with that, began trying to convince myself it wasn't for me.

And yet, in the past couple of weeks something has started to change.

I have met, and continue to meet, incredibly amazing, generous, and beautiful people. And as I get to know them better, I have an increasing appreciation for the truths universal across all human beings. Yes, a lofty statement I grant you, and I by no means declare to be a philosopher or doctorate sociologist. But what I know is this: as I continue to meet people from richly contrasting cultures and backgrounds, I remained amazed by the connection we all have at the most fundamental level -- we are all human. We Love, we Hope, we Laugh, we Muse, we Change, we Grow, we Live. We dream -- though the dreams we have may be different. We dream for a better life, for something More, for ourselves, for our children. We search for fulfillment, in whatever that may be, but we each search nonetheless. And with all this, my conviction in my Faith only grows. How can you appreciate this universal connection across Mankind and not wonder, 'What is it that binds us together?' This universal connection which on paper seems impossible, yet remains evermore a true observation across the world now as it was five hundred years ago. How can you appreciate this Infinite 'Co-incidence' and not yearn to seek out Truth?

As I walked back from the beach, there was a break in the clouds and thick rays -- bands -- of light beamed down on an area some distance away. I have seen something similar a few times before in my life, each time pausing to bask in the heavenly perfection of the moment. And I think to myself, in that place, some distance away, where this pocket of glorious light has settled, I think to myself how someone, there, in that place, needs Light -- and God, in His Provision, has answered the unspoken prayer of their hearts.

For a while I was disappointed this trip was not the fulfillment of adolescent idealism I thought it would be, but rather, a reality check. Rather than the beginning of a Lifelong Crusade to help the People Without A Voice, I began to think this trip was more the cliche once-in-a-lifetime experience of a 23year old almost doctor who wanted to 'see' Africa. I thought what I was hearing was, the World -- Africa -- does not need me. And that I too could do fine with a stock standard life back in good ol' New Zealand, where my skills would be appreciated, life would be 'easy' and contained, and I could make myself feel like I was making a tangible difference in peoples' life, all the while enjoying my dinners out and Starbucks coffee. Isn't that what God would want? To paint with the colours I know, the colours I am comfortable with, the colours I am made of, in this lifelong quest to Love Him and Love my neighbour...

But as the days here pass I begin to see the Beauty in the People and the Place. And, even more surprisingly, I have started to feel this sad tugging in my heart at the thought of leaving in five weeks.

Sure, I may not be painting with the same Colours as the people here. But I am beginning to see that through God -- the Creator of every single colour imaginable, and the colours beyond our imagination, and the colours beyond our ability to conceive -- we slowly learn to recognise... then appreciate... then take on more and more of these foreign Colours around us. Through Him we are able to reconcile the deficits we have on our individual canvas and begin to paint with Colours we have never painted with before, with colours we could not have imagined. And what we are left with is... Brilliance. A wonderous, glorious Brilliance only possible through the Creator of all Creation.

I have no idea if, at some point in my life, God will call me back to Africa, a continent that is, for me, the final frontiere and the antithesis of the Person I am comfortable being. But we are called to serve. And, having this experience, I find joy in the Freedom of knowing wherever it may be, 'Through Christ all things are possible.' And I pray, Lord, that when I am called to Go, like Abraham was, I will go with a praising heart.

I have had a fun, busy week, with an overnight trip last weekend to an Eco-lodge; and spending the entire day yesterday cooking a Mexican feast for the group I'm living with; but more about that another time. For now I will leave you with this: 'It is God's knowledge of me, His careful husbanding of the ground of my being, His constant presence in the garden of my little life that guarantees my JOY.' - W. Phillip Keller

Always,

-A