in true Meredith Grey voice-over fashion

Excerpt from my essay for Professional Development (aka: Thought Provoking Episode Response):

"The funny thing about med school, and a career in medicine, is that for a group of people who are extraordinarily intelligent and hard-working most of us struggle to see ourselves as anything remotely close to how we are perceived by those around us. We have entered into a field of study, and work, that everyday reminds us of our own limitations, limitations we struggle to accept. Every day, every test, every assessment, we are reminded that we do not know it all, and yet there is a part of us that tells ourselves we should; everyday we are reminded we cannot do it all, and yet there is a part of us that thinks we should; everyday we are reminded we will not be able to save everyone, and yet there is a part of us that tell ourselves we must.

What have I learnt from this experience? I am not infallible. I cannot do it all. And though I have theoretically known that I have limitations, I have realised through this experience that there was a part of me who thought I could do it all so long as I worked hard enough… so long as I worked hard enough. That is what I kept telling myself. And with that I know I came *this* close to burning out five months into my fifth year of med school. I also learnt how to ask for help from my classmates, my OSCE study group and my friends who let me talk out my stress, my sadness, my worries, and at the same time challenged me to prioritise my wellbeing.

I knew this year would be difficult, but there is a part of me who feels guilty for struggling because ultimately didn’t I bring it on myself? But I have learnt it doesn’t matter why or how I’ve reached this place of near burn out, what matters is I have, and to respond, which I have been doing. I have resigned from the Journal, asked for help from various people, and begun to reorientate myself for the half year ahead.

As I progress throughout my career I know I will always be the kind of person to push myself, that is just who I am. However I have learnt I really do have limitations… and that it is okay to ask for help when I find I have pushed myself a little too far."