Three weeks into my surgical run, and although the initial infatuation/mad crazy falling in love phase may gradually be coming to an end, it is being replaced by a more stable, consistent, deep-seated love.
I've reached a point where I don't really mind how many surgeries I see, or how well (or not so well) I might do relative to the others in my group (assessment wise), or what the surgical consultants think of me -- because I now have a quiet determination. It's not (as) hyperactive. It's not as loquacious. Or vivacious. And there is most definitely less PDA compared to maybe a week ago. But more, a sense of being truly comfortable with one another. I guess I've become pretty sure of my desire to get into a career of surgery, and with that I no longer feel like I have to prove myself... or moreover, "convince" myself that surgery is awesome. I know if I want it enough (which I do) and work hard enough (which I will) I'll get there. And I also know that what I do as a fourth year medical student on my surgical run, in reality, has very little bearing (if at all) on my future career as a surgeon.
So my head's not spinning off my body AS MUCH as it was two weeks ago. And I even had a pretty crap day today, in some respects. But, strangely enough, I don't seem to love surgery any less. :)
Actually, all this calming down is just further confirmation that this really is true love.
Now that I've had a taste of it, all other areas of medicine seems like... drudgery. Like actual... WORK. Anything that's not surgery doesn't seem to even register on my enjoyment scale. How funny.
Life really is full of surprises. I love it.
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