passionate action

I finished reading Barack Obama's book, The Audacity of Hope, this morning. I bought it last minute while killing time at LAX on my return trip home from Seattle and I've whizzed through it. Pretty impressive for someone who hasn't finished a book since... I don't know when!

I've always known he was not just a brilliant orator but an eloquent and articulate writer as well, having read his first novel a year or so ago. But this book in particular has got me thinking quite a lot... It's got me examining my point of view on certain issues in an attempt to articular where I stand exactly. Because I've always had an appreciation for the complex nature of these 'big' issues I've been hesitant to take a stand -- or at least waiting until I felt more conviction. Now I think I'm beginning to do so.

I guess if I were an American citizen with a vote (which I am not) I would consider myself a democrat. And, on some level, I've always felt maybe that was "wrong" because I know the common "default" choice for Christians in the States is the GOP -- one is so often hearing stories of those on the conservative right crying out on certain issues. And I guess there are some issues on which I take a more conservative stance and others a more liberal stance. But ultimately, why I would consider myself a democrat is because I believe that government can and should (carefully and thoughtfully)intervene when there is so much inequality within society, especially when it comes to things like health-care and education. As a New Zealand citizen, it's my policy never to complain about taxes because I know that so much of what I take for granted -- the public health care system, student allowance/loan, the beautiful parks and roads and services I so often enjoy -- is where that money goes and I'm okay with it. In addition I believe those of us who are blessed and, for whatever reason, fortunate enough to have more than enough should help those on the opposite end of the spectrum. And I'm okay with that too. Sure it was more than a little painful when I was working part-time at the hospital lab and so much of my paycheck went straight to taxes, and I know that this feeling will only increase as I progress in my professional career, but what's the alternative?? A country where it's every man for himself, full stop? Where, yes I may pay less taxes but therefore have to worry about private insurance for everything imaginable, living in fear of what might happen? A country where those not fortunate enough so often disproportionately suffer to make ends meet? A country like... the US? No thank you, sir. No thank you, indeed.

I'm starting to think that that's where my passion lies -- the cause I can see myself championing for in the future. Inequality, impoverishment, social injustice. I think looking out for those who are suffering is and should be at the very heart of Faith. "... But in humility consider others better than yourself," "Love your neighbour as you love yourself...." I know I am in no position to judge my brothers and sisters in Christ because I too fall short and sin on so many levels, but I think one of the most important things for us as Christ followers to do is champion for those who are suffering. Actions speak louder than words; love cannot just be professed but rather it has to be seen; we must share the gospel always, and when necessary use words. I find it frustrating that so often those who are at the forefront of such passionate action in the world are actually not Christians, that so often Christians are preoccupied with everything else but those who are suffering. We get so busy thinking of ourselves, our loved-ones, our lives, and when we do think of others it's so often in judgement, jealously, selfishness... I am not excluded in this. And I think we can, and should do better than this. I think I can, and should, do better than this. I hope to do better than this. I hope...

2015... and beyond

It's been a week since I got back from Seattle... how quickly not time but the perception of time can move. The trip itself was... one of those things where I have so much to say that I won't even try to write it all down. I know that's a bad habit, especially because those are the experiences I really should immortalise as opposed to insignificant daily rantings. But suffice it to say, the trip was good. Beyond good. Ever since we moved back to New Zealand six years ago, I have, to various degrees, always wondered what my life would have been like had I stayed in the States. What kind of person I would be if we hadn't moved back. Now I no longer have to wonder. And if I could choose between those two versions of myself with the power of hindsight? Well, I have no regrets with my life thus far so let's leave it at that.

My trip was full of such pleasantly surprising but utterly random and unique adventures! Little moments I have filed away in my back-catalogue of memories which I'll reminiscence and smile about later on in life... Sitting in a car listening to country music with people from Montana; sitting in a UW sorority house at 11pm, dozing asleep to the background noise of gossip and chatter; spending a morning standing outside a towering Mormon temple; giving impromptu talks to classes at a typical American public high school, only to find out the students not only didn't know where New Zealand was but that the seasons differ in the Southern Hemisphere; playing Trouble with the gorgeous children of an ex-Science teacher who has now become a treasured friend and confidante; taking a medical history and trying to diagnose my friend at 1am as we're both falling asleep; sitting in on history and econ classes at UW; walking unexpectantly into the most perfect cafe hidden away near Pike Place Market while on a search for a clean bathroom; having Haagen-Daz at midnight in an apartment two minutes from the Space Needle...

It's been a full-on week since I got back, straight back into school with assignments and exams... I'm thankful for the long weekend now. Last night mum and I were both home to have dinner together for the first time in a wee while and we ended up talking quite a lot... about guys, life, faith... I was surprised at how we were able to have such serious conversations for so long. Previous attempts have usually ended abruptly with either one of us getting frustrated. But that didn't happen last night...we must have talked for a couple hours. It was nice.

This whole trip has gotten me thinking a lot... about what has been... about my life right now... about where I see myself in another five years. And I'm excited. I feel like I'm getting some direction in my life - finally - and I'm pretty sure I know what I want to do.

I watched Lions for Lambs last night, which was an okay movie, but there was one thing that Robert Redford's character said which I very much appreciated and that was to the effect of, You often don't notice you've become an adult until you are already five or six immutable decisions into it... So very true.

lost in a sea of blankets

It's been great being on Geriatrics/Older Persons Health because the pace is a wee bit slower than the other runs, definitely slower than cardioresp. I can actually enjoy the weekends, not work and just relax. I'm even reading a non-med book! And I went for the most gorgeous walk on Sunday morning -- I had forgotten to turn my clock back an hour for day-light savings and had set the alarm for 7.40am on Saturday night so that I'd have enough time to read my Bible before getting ready to go to church. When I woke up and looked outside to see what a picture perfect day it was, I thought to myself, 'Man, it'd be great to go for a walk!' But I knew I only had about an hour to spare and didn't want to not read my Bible, so I forgoed the walk... When I was done with my quiet time, I finally dawned on me that it was day-light savings so it was STILL 7.40am! Yay! So off I went for an hour-long leisurely walk. New Zealand is just so beautiful. I've been living here most my life and it still catches me off guard sometimes. And Sunday mornings are the best time for walks-- it's like watching your lover slowly being aroused from their sleep, the sunlight streaming in from the window, lost in a sea of blankets... that's what the city's like. So quiet... so still... so absolutely perfect.

Getting ready to leave for Seattle on Thursday, it's painful how many hidden costs there are to any trip, really. But I'm determined to not let that ruin it for me. The excitement is building, for sure! Plus, I love Qantas!!

... I'm just astounded every day at how God continues to bless me with so much... and I am fully reminded once again at how undeserving I truly am. I will never understand His perfect love. All I can do is give all I can in return... even though that's not close to nearly enough. But Grace is a beautiful thing...

... and so is the Dunedin sunrise, a different masterpiece every day.

I may not be Chris Brown, but I've got the ultimate Choreographer...

It's been more than two months since my last entry... two months. I can't really believe it's been that long. My disbelief is rooted in the fact that so much has happened in that seemingly short period of time-- so much learning about myself, the world, life, people; so much growing as a med student, as a young adult, and as a woman. I just can't believe it.

I am now a fourth year med student who is on the wards, seeing patients, learning how to do practical things with my hands. Observing doctors in their strengths and weaknesses, and figuring out what kind of doctor I want to be in two years time.

I am a young adult who, with each day that passes, learns a little bit more about herself. I have realised in all I do my mind cannot let go of its intellectual curiosity -- not just the how, but the why. I have learned I admire and appreciate doctors who have achieved that rare balance between the science and the art of medicine: the knowledge and the people skills. And I hope to become that kind of doctor myself.

I am a woman who has always wondered how it would be possible to put God first whilst potentially falling in love... but now has experienced it firsthand. I have had a taste of being adored by a man and how utterly intoxicating that can be... and yet realised through it all that GOD IS LOVE. CHRIST ALONE IS PERFECT. Every morning I wake up and fall in love with Christ once again, and the joy and peace that follows truly transcends all understanding.


To think how God has challenged me this year by opening the eyes of my heart to more of my sins, to how I daily fall short of His awesome glory -- how undeserving I am for His attention and care! Lord, "Who is man that thou art mindful of him?" Why would You want to help me and guide me and push me to become more like your son Lord Jesus Christ, especially when it causes so much heartache and pain and even anger towards You? Why? Because You love me. That much. You are the perfect Father. You are Love. And by the grace of Christ, it's okay that I fail over and over and over again. You never stop helping us.


My biggest lesson of the year so far, the pretty awesome revelation I've had, is that life... no, not life, but THIS DAY, this one day and all the things that happen, all the people around me, is nothing more than a backdrop to me and God and this beautiful dance we are doing. He is trying to teach me steps I do not know, using the backdrop around us, and I am trying to learn, though failing miserably most of the time. BUT, He doesn't stop trying AND, when I finally pick up one of the many steps I need to learn, I can, in turn, teach those or show those around me. Life... THIS DAY, this dance... Christ and me. Wow.

One of those steps I'm just starting to understand and need to work on is imitating Christ's humility. A couple nights ago I was sitting in the backseat of a car and in my heart there was a deluge of anger, frustration, pride and JEALOUSLY that, upon retrospection, had been building up for a while. It was disgusting. I felt utterly disgusting. And the more I tried to fight it, the more crippling I felt. What a stronghold Satan has on my heart... but isn't it amazing that's nothing compared to the Power of God! Thank you Lord that by your strength and power I am free from the yoke of slavery... from sin and death!

The words of the apostle Paul in Philippians have been haunting me for the past week or so: "... in humility consider others better than yourselves." To read it, and to truly understand it, are two very different things. The latter desires you to enact it in your life. And how difficult that is.

But I'm working on it. By the beautiful Grace available to us freely through Christ, I am working on it.