blast from the past

A couple things happened today that got me thinking about the person I was up until three/four years ago.

I used to be so... ambitious. Ambitious to the point of being scary; a total one-track mind. I knew exactly what I wanted to do, who I wanted to be, how I wanted to live my life. Man, I had it planned down to the most minute detail. How does a person get like that? I'm not necessarily saying it's a good or bad thing, but I know it wasn't good for me. Every once in a while (usually when I'm struggling with studying) I become reminiscent of that person from my past, wishing I still had some of her fierce discipline and drive. But I was doing it all for the wrong reasons. To fill that void. Trying to find a purpose in all that mess.

All of which serves to remind me of what I learnt that summer in Boston: once you reach the top, you find there's nothing there.

In the past year or so I've noticed myself becoming more and more comfortable with the person I am. I've always been pretty confident (or seemingly so), but inside, like most people, there were a lot of things about myself I was never really comfortable with. Worries, insecurities, and the like -- remnants of that awkward 13 year old, an out-of-place Korean-born kiwi living in America. But after Harvard and the stuff that happened last year, I think I've finally reached that place where I'm actually completely comfortable and happy with every aspect of who I am. And it feels really nice. The peace that comes with trusting His plan, His will, His love... all part of that life-long transformation.

It's strange thinking of that person from my past.