from A to B

I realised today, after four hours of organogenesis lectures, that one of the reasons why I've been having a semi-hard time thinking about my life as a med student (and doctor) is that I miss, for lack of a better phrase, thinking for myself in that very liberal arts/humanities kind of way. I guess what makes it worse is having the experience of studying for the summer at Harvard and how much I loved my two classes -- the lectures, the discussions, the reading, the essays... without a doubt, the zenith of my academic career thus far. I miss the stimulation, forming my own opinions, reflecting on human actions/inaction, past and present. So much of science and medicine is going from point A to B: not knowing something to knowing and understanding that something. Period.

Maybe I'm just dwelling on the past. I've always tried to look ahead and to never regret... and I don't. But that doesn't erase the fact that so much of what I used to love and, I'm beginning to realise, still do love, is gone. And I guess I just miss it.

When I was deciding between medicine and history/law, the bottom line was that I thought I could help people more directly as a doctor -- a general appreciation, but at the same time frustration at the complexities of international relations, along with a desire for the power to create more immediate change. The bottom line was I thought I could... be more... useful? But maybe that's not necessarily the only way... I dunno... I dunno...


Boxing always seems to help. Sweating out my stress -- fun. :)