the abscess that got away

At nine o'clock this morning I found out there was a young lady in hospital for urgent incision and drainage of a significant abscess on her anterior chest wall.

During these four years of medical school, my relationship-interaction with abscesses have been largely a theoretical one. The all-elusive abscess, I often think to myself: talked about a lot, apparently very important (the age-old adage, "never let the sun go down on undrained pus," etc), but do they really exist (like, really, really?)? Much like, yes, I know man has walked on the moon, but has man really walked on the moon? Like, really, really?

So when I found out my surgical reg would be operating in an hour or so, I left my pager number with the Main Operating Theatre receptionist and eagerly waited.

But, alas, as is almost always the case, a couple hours turned into two, which turned into three. By the time I was paged it was half twelve.

ANY OTHER DAY I would have said, screw everything else, I'm adamant on seeing this abscess! And the surgical reg (really cool guy) probably would have thrown me a bone and let me do something, anything! Put in the local? Make the incision, maybe? And the ultimate dream of all fourth year med students on their surgical run?? SUTURE.

A lot of possibilities. A lot to look forward to.

Any other day... The thing is, I was speaking at Med Christian Fellowship today... at one. And I was excited to, as I always am. And I was hoping I could do both -- rush up to Theatre; see as much as possible; leave the operation at the last possible minute, even if that meant being a few minutes late to the meeting.

But... as is almost always the case, even once the patient was in the theatre waiting bay and ready, there was such a process to go through before the operation even started. By quarter to one the anaesthesiologist hadn't even seen the patient.

So I left.

Which was fine. But let me tell you, it was a hard moment. I know it shouldn't have been, and more than that, I know it should be a joy and a privilege getting a chance to talk to and encourage the preclinical med students (and it was! definitely!), but I'd be lying if I said it was an easy moment. Actually, in ALLLLL honesty, it was much tougher than it really should have been, which may have been a reflection of my gradually drifting from the 'narrow path' these past several days, if you get my gist. With on-call and being sick, etc., I haven't really been spending a lot of alone time with God lately, which is probably why the letting go of the abscess was just *that* much harder.

I just REALLY wanted to drain an abscess. Like, REALLY, REALLY. *sigh*