I can't believe my last post was the night before I started work. It's been four months since then, I'm on my second rotation and just finished my first set of night shifts (7 consecutive nights!) which were in and of themselves quite the monumental step.
My relative silence wasn't all for lack of trying. I have three posts under drafts, two of which deleted themselves at the final hour and one still under construction about the latter half of my trip to Dakar (I know, Albert! Still unfinished!). Feels a bit futile this late in the game, but it's still on my radar for now. LoL
I'm not sure where to start. The first three months were particularly hard. I really struggled. It felt like I was in this emotional/psychological 'survival' mode, more often than not, finding it impossible to see any sort of light at the end of the tunnel. It was the combination of a speciality I struggled to enjoy, adjusting to worklife for the first time, and trying to settle into my new life in this new city. If there is a limit to the amount of change one can handle simultaneously, I (unexpectedly) found myself dangerously close to it this time around. But then things started to change. A month ago my General Surgical rotation began and I realised I was... happy again. Despite working twelve to sixteen hour days, five to seven days a week, on a team that has had an average of 50patients, I felt myself again for the first time since I started work. And it's been awesome. I haven't yet once been to the Operating Room but that doesn't even bother me too much. I'm on an awesome team, working with some awesome people, and I'm loving it.
I do miss the reflecting that comes with putting thoughts on paper, and I'm going to try harder to keep posting. I've also agreed to do a "Transition to intern" blog on the student association website, especially about those first three months which I found particularly difficult. I hope sharing some of those pretty dark moments will help, if in the very least so that others won't feel so alone as they go through their own versions of dark moments later on.
For now, I just wanted to say I'm still here. Which... sounds a bit obvious but in the grand scheme of things is quite the accomplishment if I do say so myself.
