Stop. Turn. Look... See?

Maybe it's just me, but I'm actually really looking forward to last quarter and all the studying I know I'll be doing! This week of revision lectures have been so amazing because, despite the realisation that I still have a long way to before being ready for November finals, they were an amazing reminder of just how much I have learnt these past five years... just how far we've all come. It feels like in medicine we're always so focused on what's ahead of us, what more we need to know, need to study, that we hardly ever pause and look behind us to see just how far we've come. Maybe this is all part of the strange "eye-of-the-storm" calmness I've been feeling lately, but seriously, to quote a recent conversation I had with a friend of mind, life is Good.

[long overdue update!]

To elaborate on my previous blog, the last few weeks have been pretty intense... exhausting... intense. A couple weeks ago was the dreaded re-sit of my ortho test -- DUM DA DUM! It was on a Friday, and on the Tuesday a few days before the test I got really sick. Normally I'm not one to get sick much. I usually get that "prodromal" feeling the day before and so top up on paracetamol, warmth and good sleep to prevent it becoming a full blown cold, and that normally works. But because I was so stressed with ortho test looming in the background as well as DSAS Launch planning (and all that that entailed), I didn't get any sleep that night. Hence, full blown cold. And the combination of sore throat/cough/blocked nose with the stress of EVERYTHING meant I didn't get any sleep for three nights following. By the time ortho test finally rolled around I was a walking zombie. Maybe it was because I was so physically knackered that when it was finally time for the test I was pretty detached, distracted, which was a strange unexpected plus. Then, that weekend I just zonked out; being sick is always a little bit welcomed for me because (a.) it's a rarity, getting a full blown cold; and (b.) it gives me the opportunity to do absolutely nothing and THINK about absolutely nothing, sans the guilt! So a weekend of bed, dvds, (junk/random) food... which helped, not just with the being sick part but with LIFE on the whole.

I went straight on from "recovering" from ortho and being sick to finalising our DSAS Launch event the following Thursday which was (cue: sigh of BIG relief!) a success. We had over 250 students and 20+ surgeons show up which just completely exceeded our expectations. The Surgical Bingo! was also an absolute success and really was the perfect ice-breaker -- the students enjoyed running around, the surgeons enjoyed being approached and surrounded by wide-eyed students for the entire duration. One of the most satisfying feelings in life is when a fleeting thought, a random idea, burgeons and comes into fruition right before your eyes... my baby, the Bingo, lol. So DSAS is up and running, going really well, and I'm excited for some of the stuff we have planned especially for next year. We have one or two small events this upcoming last quarter but the timing kind of sucks since most of us on the committee are easing into exam study hibernation. Next year though we'll be all engines GO! with DSAS sponsored end-of-run food and drinks for the 4th years finishing their surgical rotation, social events, talks from registrars, suturing workshops + dinner (sponsored by surgical supply companies), and hopefully the first annual Suture King Competition! lol Lots of cool ideas, lots of opportunities to get this going really well. So despite some of the vocal critics in my class I'm happy with what we've achieved as a founding committee; despite how some people criticise and/or object to and/or distort what we're doing, I think at the end of the day if we get students more interested in or thinking about surgery, or even less than that, if we can just make the med school experience on the whole just a bit more fun and varied (as touched on by Prof's keynote address) then that's good enough for me. :)

Friday night was Class and Consultant dinner, which was great fun. Our fifth year class has gotten to know each other so well now; the majority of the class was there, with a good turn-out from the doctors/professors, the food delicious and a good time was had by all! I even came away with an award -- something I can *truly* be proud of, lol.

As we wrap up our second week of whole-class lectures, I remain in disbelief at how quickly this year has gone. Next week is mid-semester break; then I'll be flying up to Nelson for five weeks of rural GP; then... exams... then, before I know it, (God willing!) TI/sixth year. I'm not even nervous anymore -- I think I've reached that eye-of-the-storm place I get to when I finally realise there's not much more I can do. Yes I'm gonna keep studying intensely for the next 10 weeks but on the whole I think I'm beginning to realise that exams are basically here, and you know what? I'm gonna be just fine. I just need to keep on keepin' on and then before I know it, it'll all be over. See, what'd I tell you? Eye of the storm, baby, eye of the freakin' storm.

the precipice that is

You know when there's so much going on that it feels like there's absolutely no way of expressing or conveying to anyone the state of your mind and your life? A place that keeps you held teetering on the precipice, unable to move forward over the edge yet at the same time unable to take a step back? Much like the spine of a person whose paravertebral muscles have gone into spasm at once, held perfectly straight, perfectly still. Call me dramatic, call me crazy, but that's how I would describe my fifth year of med school in a nutshell. All I know is come November I can confidently say that this past year I've had some of my highest highs and my lowest lows... but I wouldn't have it any other way. I guess, ultimately, it's just who I am.

"Far better it is to dare mighty things, to gain mighty triumphs, even though checkered by failure, than to take rank with those poor spirits who neither gain much nor suffer much because they live in the grey twilight that knows not victory or defeat." -Theodore Roosevelt